(largely involv- ing little girls doing ballet around big wooden crosses)—the girls re- cite a pledge vowing to be chaste until marriage, and name their fathers as the “keepers” of their virginity until a husband takes their place. Sounds a bit old school, but these events are becoming a nationwide
* Ah, the ethics of passivity rears its ugly head! Not only do women need to do nothing (remain sexually abstinent) in order to be moral, we also must remain inert if we want to be considered sexy.
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phenomenon and receiving widespread media attention—from The New York Times to Dr. Phil —and parties are being planned in nearly every state in America.
Pastor Randy Wilson and his wife, Lisa, founded purity balls in 1998 in Colorado Springs. 8 Th Wilsons, who have seven children (fi e of them daughters), write in a letter to purity ball planners that they founded the balls because they saw that “the protection of the daughter’s purity rested on the shoulders of the fathers” and they wanted to create an event that conveyed that sentiment.
This “protection” is articulated in a pledge that fathers recite, promising to “cover” their daughters and protect their purity:
I, [daughter’s name]’s father, choose before God to cover my daughter as her authority and protection in the area of purity. I will be pure in my own life as a man, husband, and father. I will be a man of integrity and accountabil- ity as I lead, guide, and pray over my daughter and as the high priest in my home. This covering will be used by God to inf luence generations to come. 9 *
It’s hard to know what’s more problematic: the pseudo-incestuous talk of covering or the antiquated notion that fathers own their daughters and their sexuality. Perhaps the upside of these balls, however, is how overtly they epito- mize the ideals of the virginity movement. There’s no hiding behind the rheto- ric of empowerment here—the message is clear and direct: It’s up to men to control young women’s sexuality. (In fact, that message is furthered in newer
* I was horrified (but not surprised) when, after I repeated this pledge at a talk I was giv- ing at Cornell University in 2008, a student shouted out that “covering” is a term used to describe breeding horses. One horse “covers” another.
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events sponsored for young men and their mothers: integrity balls.* Instead of pledging their virginities to their mothers, however, the young men and boys in this ball vow not to sully someone’s daughter or future wife. So, in either event, maintaining women’s purity—and men’s ownership—is the goal!)
And though the idea behind the pledge and ball is to promote purity, the symbolism is far from chaste. In one online video of a purity ball, the girls recite the virginity pledge as they give little pink boxes (ahem) to their fathers. 11 Some fathers participating in purity balls give their daugh- ter a charm necklace with a lock and key. The daughter keeps the lock and her father holds on to the key until she gets married and he gives the “key”
to her husband. 12 †
Also troubling is that the event is described as a “date.” The girls—some as young as six or seven—dress in ball gowns and often get their hair and makeup professionally done. In a Glamour magazine article about purity balls, reporter and noted feminist Jennifer Baumgardner wrote that many of the older girls in attendance look “disconcertingly like wives” next to their fathers. 13 In a way, that’s the point: Young women are being trained to be not autonomous adults, but perpetual children whose sexuality is strictly defined
and owned, like that of traditional wives-in-training. #
The conservative Christian organization Focus on the Family, for exam- ple, encourages fathers to take their daughters on “date nights” in order to
* As my coblogger Ann Friedman put it: “Why is this glamorous evening not called a