Free Me and Earl and the Dying Girl by Jesse Andrews

shots like in big action movies.
    RACHEL
    It feels a little like reality TV.
    GREG
    Yeah! That too. Well, except the lighting in reality TV is always really unnatural, and here, they really can’t bring a lot of artificial lights into the jungle. Actually, they might not have anything besides reflectors.
    RACHEL
    What are reflectors?
    GREG
    gnawing beef
    Mmmrflectors urmmff . . . hang on, this scene is awesome.
    RACHEL
    You should try making some movies.
    MOM
    from doorway
    He does! He just doesn’t let anyone see them.
    GREG
    MOM WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING
    MOM
    Oh honey. Did you not offer Rachel anything to eat?
    GREG
    JESUS MOM
    RACHEL
    I’m not hungry!
    GREG
    infuriated
    Mom. Jesus Christ. You can’t just spy on us from the doorway. And you def
    MOM
    I was just
walking past
and I heard Rach
    GREG
    initely can’t just tell people about, um,
    RACHEL
    It’s
    MOM
    Greg, you’re being a little silly abou
    GREG
    s stuff that you
know
is really priv
    AGUIRRE
    When I wish for the birds to fall from the trees, then shall the birds fall from the trees.
    MOM
    ou work so hard on these movies with Earl and then y
    RACHEL
    It’s OK, I don’t need to see them.
    GREG
    See? Did you hear that?
    MOM
    just keep them to yourselves like you don’t wan
    GREG
    Did you—
Mom
. Did you hear what Rachel said.
    MOM
    She’s just being nice. Greg, you have some juice on your chin.
    GREG
    Will you
please just get out of here .
     
    MOM exits, smiling wryly, like she just did something clever and wasn’t in fact aHORRIBLE MOTHER. Meanwhile, Greg is back to eating beef tips, because when he is stressed out he eats compulsively.
    RACHEL
    Here, let’s rewind it. I think we missed an important part.
    GREG
    Yeah, it’s like the best part.
    RACHEL
    after a lengthy silence
    If your movies are secret, I won’t tell anyone. You can trust me.
    GREG
    frustrated
    It’s not that they’re
secret
, it’s just that they’re not good enough for people to see. Once we do a really good one, we’ll let people see it.
    RACHEL
    That makes sense.
    GREG
    What?
    RACHEL
    I understand.
    GREG
    Oh.
    They look into each other’s eyes.
    If this were a touching romantic story, in this moment some STRANGE NEW FEELING would wash over Greg—a sense of being understood, in a basic way that he almost never is understood. Then, Greg and Rachel would make out like lovesick badgers.
    However, this is not a touching romantic story. There is no NEW FEELING that washes over Greg. There is no BADGER MAKE-OUT SESSION.
    Instead, Greg sort of shifts uncomfortably and breaks eye contact.
    RACHEL
    Can I get you a napkin or something?
    GREG
    No no I’ll get it.

The first film Earl and I remade was
Aguirre, the Wrath of God.
Obviously. It couldn’t have been any other one. We were eleven, and we had seen it approximately thirty times, to the point where we had memorized all of the subtitles and even some of the dialogue in German. We sometimes repeated it in class, when the teacher asked us questions. Earl especially did this a lot, if he didn’t know the answer.
    INT. MRS. WOZNIEWSKI’S FIFTH GRADE CLASS — DAY
    MRS. WOZNIEWSKI
    Earl, can you name some layers of the earth?
     
    EARL’s eyes bug out. He breathes hard through his nose.
    MRS. WOZNIEWSKI
    Let’s start with the one on the inside. What’s another word for—
    EARL
    Ich bin der große Verräter. [subtitle:
I am the great traitor.
]
    MRS. WOZNIEWSKI
    Hmmm.
    EARL
    Die Erde über die ich gehe sieht mich und bebt. [subtitle:
The earth I walk upon sees me and trembles.
]
    MRS. WOZNIEWSKI
    Earl, do you want to tell us what that means?
    EARL
    glowering at classmates
    grrrrrhh
    MRS. WOZNIEWSKI
    Earl.
    EARL
    standing up, pointing to MRS. WOZNIEWSKI, addressing class
    Der Mann ist einen Kopf größer als ich. DAS KANN SICH ÄNDERN. [subtitle:
That man is a head taller than me. THAT CAN CHANGE.
]
    MRS. WOZNIEWSKI
    Earl, please go sit in the hall.
    And then one day Dad bought a video camera and some editing software for