Free Finding Never by C. M. Stunich

like if I take my eyes off
you, that you'll disappear.”
    “ What
did you do?” I blurt too loudly in the middle of a freaking
Dairy Queen. “What did you do when you woke up, and I was
gone?” I take strange, shallow breaths as I ask this question,
and watch as Noah's face tumbles like I've just thrown his joy off a
cliff.
    “ Come
with me to the lake,” he says suddenly, and I start to protest.
Noah holds up his hands. “I already ordered you a milkshake
and a burger. Let's grab it and go to the lake, just to eat. Give
me an hour, Never Regali, and I will make it worth your while.”
    “ God,
Noah, I can't,” I say, but I want to cry when I say it. Noah
turns around and I swear to God, some of that pretty, practiced
perfection slips. I watch his shoulders rise and fall as he
breathes. He's wearing a white and blue striped button up with short
sleeves over a white tee. He's paired it with a pair of blue jeans
and some Converse. Light, unobtrusive. Noah was never one to take
his looks very seriously. Anyway, maybe that was a luxury of being
born pretty because Noah Scott is drop dead gorgeous. Still, he
never minced his words and he was always poetic, even at his
dirtiest. He turns back towards me, and I can see that my leaving
has left this mark on his soul that cannot be erased. For good or
bad, he and I are part of one another and might be forever. I have
to talk this out with him, for both our sakes. And for Ty's. If I
choose Ty because I refuse to see Noah, what good does that do? I
have to choose Ty for Ty and in spite of Noah. I have to.
    “ Please,”
Noah begs, but I'm already decided. “I can't move on, Never.
I've been so stuck without you.” I close my eyes against
tears.
    “ Okay,”
I say. “Okay, but just for a little while, Noah, and I'm not
promising anything.”
    “ Thank
you,” he breathes, and I feel guilty because he sounds so
relieved. “Thank you, Never. You have no idea how much this
means to me.” But I do. I do because it might even mean more
to me than it does to him.

13
    I
let Noah drive because I don't know if I can right now. Besides, I
trust him. Even though it's been five years since we've seen each
other, I know that Noah would never do anything to hurt me or make me
uncomfortable. If I ask him, he'll take me back to the Dairy Queen.
    “ You
haven't touched your shake?” he says with a smile, finally
breaking a ten minute stretch of moonlit silence. When I don't
answer, Noah focuses his attention back on the road and turns on his
blinker. The lake isn't far from the Dairy Queen which isn't far
from downtown which isn't far from my mother's house. This town is
small, too small in my opinion, but it does have its perks. One of
which is that Noah and I don't have to suffer in awkward silence for
too, too long before we get to the empty parking lot by the lake.
Even in the dead of night, even though nobody friggin' cares, Noah
Scott puts money into the machine that dispenses parking passes and
puts one under his windshield wiper. I look at the car, examine the
sleek black curves, and wonder how much it set his Daddy back. Mr.
Scott is very well to do, so I'm guessing the number is something
astronomical, more than my tuition probably. I hate the world for
that. I hate that Ty had to sell his body to make ends meet while
Mr. Scott plays games with his money like the earth is one big, giant
Monopoly board, sits back and reaps the benefits. I fucking hate
that. But I don't hate Noah. Noah was never the spoiled, little
rich kid archetype. He's always been thoughtful and poetic. I see
that time hasn't changed that.
    “ In
darkness they were born and in darkness they bled, one for the other,
two souls lost in a sea of black until finally, they found a beam of
light and that they followed until they hit the sun and were reborn. ”
Noah pauses and looks over his shoulder at me. “Sorry,”
he says, but I've finally got a smile on my face. “Might be a
little much if I start