Free Down to Ash (#Dirtysexygeeks Book 2) by Melissa Blue

question. “It's none of his business who I sleep with.”
    “Tell that to the guilt on your face.”
    True. “I haven't heard from him since Friday.”
    “And Victor? Has he seen Porter, yet?”
    Ash rubbed a hand over her belly to soothe it. “I don't know. He has it in his head that we won't have sex again.”
    “Will you?”
    “Stop pelting me with questions. I'm still all over the place. I want him, but then I keep imagining Porter's reaction. He'll go to the ends of the earth for me. The least I could have done...”
    Ash pressed two fingers to each of her temples. Her friend hissed at the movement. Hell, probably the situation. Iris had been on the outside looking in for five years, and that was still close enough to pick up on the sheer weight of what had happened.
    Iris just shook her head for a moment. “Did Victor act like he wanted to have sex again?”
    “Yes...and no. It's complicated.”
    Ash sucked in air as the world threatened to whirl. In all the ways she'd lusted after Victor—worried for him—he'd never, not once, crossed a line with her. His friendship with Porter meant more than she could ever understand. It was why she’d curtailed her screw-the-consequences nature when it came to him. Until Friday.
    So she took Vic's stares, the grouching, the acting like she barely existed because they did it for Porter. Not wanting to hurt her brother hadn't been enough, and that started an ache right in her heart.
    “I'm a horrible, selfish person.”
    “Oh, Ash.” Her friend's tone softened. “You're not.”
    “It's okay.” Ash put up her hands to stem the flow of comfort. She didn't deserve it—not for this. “I know I am, and still...”
    She couldn't be someone else. God, she'd tried. Back in college one of her roommates had joked, “You should probably never get married,” after Ash had confessed her penchant for serial dating. The girl hadn't known how much those words hurt and hit so close to Ash's fears.
    Was she like her dad? No matter where Raymond went, he was the life of the party. He made his own rules and broke them when the mood struck. Those traits made him both lovable and unreliable. Didn't that describe her?
    The only difference she could grasp and hold onto for dear life was that she loved, truly and deeply, the people in her life. That was why she’d gone along with Porter's rule about not dating his friends. He'd needed it and she loved him. Deciding to not hurt him had been easy—until now.
    “God,” she muttered.
    “Well”—Iris winced—“from Porter's perspective, he'd have to sit next to the guy banging his sister. So I can get why he wouldn't want to do that...ever.”
    Ash stared at her friend in horror. “Not helping. You're supposed to blow smoke up my ass and tell me I'm wonderful. That's what I need right now.”
    “And he'd have to kill his friend if Victor ever says 'she does this one thing with her tongue...'”
    “Shut up,” Ash said, but laughed.
    Her friend shrugged. “I can see Porter’s point, but...would he really stand in the way if there's something more there?”
    Ash had never tested the theory. “Sexual chemistry just means we have zing when we touch. You do not implode friendships for zing. And Vic is probably just appealing because he's the one man I can't have.”
    Iris gave her a blank stare. “You don't really believe that.”
    Ash didn't. If she just wanted dick to get off, she'd buy more vibrators.
    Vic was loyal, smart, grouchy, handsome as sin. There were moments—too many to count—when for a second they'd forgotten themselves, and had just laughed and joked, or argued because they were both stubborn. She liked him and they had zing together—exactly what she needed in a lover.
    He was still the epitome of off limits, because if anything else happened between them, Vic would go to Porter. Their small community would be ripped apart. No matter how tempting her cake was, she damn sure wouldn't dive head first into it. She