Free Wanting You by Ryan Michele

arm, I pulled him to move.
    “What the fuck is your problem?” Z barked at me.
    “Nothing. Let’s go.” I let anger flow through me. I knew I was radiating some seriously mean vibes. I couldn’t put how I was feeling into words anyway.
    “Fuck.” Z finished his drink and followed me out.
    The car ride back was quiet, except for the roar of the Camaro engine. My mind replayed the entire conversation with Vann and Sawyer. She was guilted into going? Really?
     
    Climbing out of Vann’s window, I ran. I took off until my body couldn’t move, and I couldn’t catch my breath. I hunched over and leaned against a large oak tree. The run did nothing to clear my mind, though. Did she even know how deep her leaving cut me? Did she even give a shit?
    Jaxson left me, and now Vann. What the fuck was wrong with me that everyone I loved left? Tears freefell from my eyes, sadness roaring through me.
     
    That was the last time I cried for Vann, and anger since took over. And I could deal with anger. I joined the gym and took every bit of frustration out on that damn bag, punching it ‘til my hands bled.
    I thought I was over this shit.
    “You gonna tell me what the hell’s going on?” Z muttered, breaking the silence.
    “No.”
    “Come on. If you want Vann, go for it.”
    “If I wanted her, I would have her underneath me.”
    “But instead you’re moping like a pussy.”
    My hand instantly wrapped around the arm of his shirt, pulling him tightly. I knew my grip was rough, but I didn’t give a shit. “I’m not a fucking pussy.”
    “Dude, chill.” Z didn’t even turn to look at me.
    I released him and continued my blank stare out the window.

7
Vann
    Waking up this morning sucked, but I needed to write. I had deadlines and they needed to be met. Sitting at my favorite spot on the deck, my hands began to glide over the keyboard.
    “Vann!”
    “Shit.” My hand fumbled on the keyboard.
    “Yeah?” I yelled back at Kinsley.
    “Here.” As she handed me a large mug of coffee, the thought crossed my mind to kiss her smack on the lips.
    “Thank you. I need this.”
    “So, you writing?”
    “Was.” I glared at her.
    “Sorry. I’m getting bad at that, huh?”
    “It’s fine. It’s just something we gotta work out.”
    “You know, Gunner was hot.”
    Taking a deep breath, I knew this conversation was coming. I’d been trying to avoid it most of the morning. “Yeah, I don’t know what it was about him, but he was really easy to talk to.”
    “Maybe you can go out with him sometime,” she suggested, shrugging her shoulders.
    I knew she was trying to get me over Deke, but going out with Gunner wasn’t going to happen. “He reminds me too much of Deke.”
    Kins’s eyes bore into mine. “What do you mean?”
    “I don’t know. Just a vibe I got.”
    “No biggie. There are tons of hotties around here.”
    I smirked.
    Going back to my laptop, writing became difficult as thoughts of Deke continually entered my brain.
* * *
    When I talked to Grams on the phone, she was so excited to see me tonight, and I’d admit I was, too. After not seeing her for so long, I felt as if I needed to make up for lost time.
    “Grams?”
    “Oh, my girl, come give me a hug.” Embracing her and smelling her perfume, I felt as if I was finally home. Dad ruined everything back then and nothing was ever the same.
    “Hey Grams. Need any help?”
    “Sure thing. Come.” Following Grams down the narrow hallway, the kitchen was singing with pots bubbling and cooking utensils everywhere. Grams always liked to have ‘everything within reach’ when she cooked.
    “Here Grams.” I handed her the small tin I held in my hands.
    “What’s this?”
    “A present.”
    Opening the tin, her face lit up as soon as she saw it. “You made me fudge?”
    “Of course I did.”
    The small tear that wavered in her eye did not escape me, but I didn’t make a big deal of it. “Thank you, my girl.”
    “You’re welcome. What do ya need me to