Free The Confidence Myth by Helene Lerner Page A

yourself
    Saying no can give rise to feelings of guilt, but how about trying to see guilt in a new way? As we assert ourselves, the uncomfortable feeling we experience might not be signaling that we’re doing something wrong but rather that we’re finally doing something right—for ourselves.
    Why relegate yourself to the last spot on your to-do list? This problem is so prevalent that I wrote an entire book on the topic called
Time for Me: Simple Pleasures for Women Who Do Too Much.
8
    Say yes to taking the time for simple pleasures, whatever those may be for you. Start by identifying and getting rid of time bandits, such as guilt, worry, people pleasing, and perfectionism, which I know can be a tall order. But by leaving room in your schedule for the things that nourish and replenish you, you might actually start finding it easier to check off all the other to-dos on your list. For most of us, saying yes to ourselves is an immediate confidence and productivity boost.
    Get creative with how you can carve out some me time for yourself. You probably already have in place some thingsyou enjoy. Why not double up on your personal time by doing two at once, like calling a friend when you’re exercising. Ask your family in advance which events you can’t miss, and make the others negotiable. Be aware of time bandits that eat away at your precious hours. Get a self-care buddy so you can keep each other on track.
    These are just a few suggestions. Navigating work life is a complex issue for all of us, and neither side of the equation should be taken lightly.
    Confidence spark
    In your day planner, make sure to schedule not only your business and family obligations but also your me-time activities. Although you have a certain amount of flexibility, put in pen the personal activities that are nonnegotiable— like doctor visits and a monthly girls’ night out. Taking care of yourself will foster your growth on all fronts.
What would you do?
Scenario
Hold yourself back
Create power parameters
Your boss asks, “Can you stay late to finish up a report?” You have already done the bulk of the work, and the report just needs proofing—plus you’ve stayed late four days in a row.
You agree to finish the report. You want your boss to know that you’ll be there no matter what.
You say no. You explain that you need a night to take care of yourself. You suggest your intern, who is eager for more responsibility, pitch in.
Your child asks, “Mommy, please buy me this doll.” She has two dolls of the same type on her bed that she doesn’t play with.
You buy the doll out of guilt. You’ve been working late every night for the past week.
You say no. Instead of buying the doll, you find a game you can play with her, and you share some quality time.
Your neighbor says, “Can you bake just one more cake? We don’t have enough items for the bake sale.” You’ve already brought her two.
You say okay. The sale is for a good cause, but you resent her for asking you.
You say no. You tell her that you don’t have time to bake a third cake. Instead you offer to chip in on buying one.
Power tools
    â€¢ Say no. Saying yes when you are too stretched never yields a good result. You will probably end up resenting the person and yourself.
    â€¢ Remember that saying no can be someone else’s yes. Think of turning something down as an opportunity for another person to advance.
    â€¢ Be aware of when you put unrealistic demands on yourself. Treat yourself with kindness and draw the line.
    â€¢ Negotiate what you need. Being clear on what your priorities are and what trade-offs you’re willing to make can help you speak up even when you’re wary of saying no.

5

Stand Out and Attract Sponsors
    MYTH
    The competition for sponsors is fierce— standing out and getting one is too difficult.
    TRUTH
    I can attract and build important power alliances.
    We all know that