Free Because I Love You by Tori Rigby

it sucked out like a vacuum cleaner. Take one pill here, take another at home, and boom—miscarriage.
    My stomach sloshed, and I let out a deep breath. You can do this, Andie. You have to do this. I checked the box for the one with the pills.
    When the nurse called my name, I stood on noodley legs and wobbled through the waiting room. Neil grabbed my arm, placing my hand inside his elbow.
    “You looked like the scarecrow from The Wizard of Oz ,” he whispered.
    In my head, I punched his arm—the one I clung to like a baby monkey to its mother.
    “Are you the father?” the nurse asked him when we reached the doorway.
    “Why? Can I go back with her if I’m not?”
    “No. You’ll have to wait—”
    “He’s the father,” I shouted, blushing.
    “Uh, yeah. What she said,” Neil replied.
    The nurse’s expression showed that she knew better, but she responded with, “Come on back.”
    Gripping Neil’s arm, I followed in a daze and found myself seated on a table. Had Neil helped me up here?
    “Andrea?” The nurse’s voice was loud. I must’ve zoned out.
    “Yes?”
    “Your vitals are good, so I need to make sure you’re here for the medicine.” She took my vitals? “Otherwise, I’m going to need to make you an appointment.”
    I nodded. “I am.”
    She handed me a clipboard. “I need you to sign below and initial the boxes, stating that you’ve read the information about the procedure, consent to the procedure, and fully understand that you’re terminating a pregnancy.”
    Maybe it was the way she worded it—“terminating,” like I was destroying something. Every part of me constricted. I grabbed the pen, but my hands trembled. The boxes on the paper moved. My lungs burned, and my fingers weakened. When had my world turned so upside down that I was ready to kill an innocent baby because of my mistake? The clipboard fell out of my hand. Dropping the pen, I gripped the edge of the bed and wheezed, my sides throbbing like Goliath stepped on my ribs.
    “I’ll give you two a minute,” the nurse said, leaving the clipboard and pen on the counter.
    As soon as she left the room, I leapt off the exam table and wrapped my arms around my waist. Words spewed out between gasps as I paced. “I can’t do it, but I have to. I can’t. I have to.”
    Neil tried to interrupt me. “Andie—”
    “I have to do it. I have to. Oh, God, I can’t .” My knees weakened as a howl rolled out of me, and I hit the floor. If I had to, then why did it feel like my life was ending? Like I was signing away a piece of my soul?
    “Shit.” Neil jumped out of his chair and crouched next to me. He put his hands on my shoulders as hyperventilating took over. “Hey, breathe. You’ve got to breathe.”
    I shook my head, bawling as black spotted my vision. I grasped his forearms when the room spun.
    Eyes tight, Neil drew me into his arms. “You’re all right. Let it out.”
    I gripped the back of his jacket in my fists, and, for minutes, we stayed like that—Neil rubbing my back, me soaking his shoulder. Why had I thought I’d be able to go through with this? I never should’ve come.
    Soon, my breathing eased, and my sobs turned into soft cries and sniffling. Still, Neil held me tight. I closed my eyes, letting myself relax. Exhaustion filled every muscle. If we didn’t leave soon, I’d fall asleep, right here on the floor.
    “Take me home,” I spoke into his chest.
    “Well, that’s mighty forward of you.”
    I pushed him away with a glare.
    He smirked. “That’s better.”
    I rolled my eyes, and he hoisted me to my feet, holding my hands until he made sure I could stand. Then, with an arm around my shoulders, he led me from the room, stopping only to let the nurse know I’d changed my mind. Neil heaved me into the truck before hopping into the driver’s seat. He peeled out of the parking lot like a man on a mission.
    I rested my head on the cold glass of the truck’s window. My cheeks were still hot from crying