Free The Outsider by Ann H. Gabhart

The third day he rode into the village, she didn’t see him in time to step out of his sight, but when he turned his horse in her direction, she bent her head and hurried on toward the schoolhouse. She could feel his eyes boring into her back all the way up the path, and by the time she went through the door, her heart was pounding inside her chest as if she’d been playing a game of tag with her young students.
    She couldn’t allow the doctor to engage her in conversation again. Sister Mercy would never be able to understand or perhaps even forgive another chance meeting. While Sister Mercy had not continued to upbraid Gabrielle for talking with the doctor, Gabrielle felt a difference between them. A difference that saddened her spirit.
    From the first moment Gabrielle had stepped into Sister Mercy’s presence, she’d felt a special bond with her. Sister Mercy had been more mother to her than her own mother had ever been. But now when they were together, a worried frown often crept into Sister Mercy’s eyes to push aside some of the fondness that had always been there so abundantly for Gabrielle.
    The day when Gabrielle had talked with the doctor and then begged Sister Mercy’s forgiveness, the eldress had said, “Ye need not forgiveness from me, Sister Gabrielle. It’s Mother Ann you should appeal to. And ye know that if ye ask sincerely for forgiveness and pray for a pure heart, our good mother will be sure to grant you such.”
    They were words Gabrielle had heard many times before when she’d run to Sister Mercy to confess a slight wrong of spirit, but Sister Mercy’s voice had not sounded so kindly or forgiving in Gabrielle’s ears that day. Rather she had looked at Gabrielle as though some of the doctor’s worldliness might be clinging to her. The stain of worldliness was not easily shed.
    So Gabrielle had prayed to Mother Ann for forgiveness in hopes that the forgiveness of Sister Mercy would follow, but her prayers seemed to fall back to her unanswered. Gabrielle had never felt the same comfort praying to Mother Ann as she did to the Eternal Father. It was a lack in her life as a Believer that troubled her spirit even though Sister Mercy continually assured her that Mother Ann did hear all prayers and wanted to drop balls of blessings on their community.
    As the days passed and even though Gabrielle did pray sincerely for a simple spirit that only thought of service to the Lord, she began to wonder if Sister Mercy was right and she had been touched by the doctor’s worldliness. Wasn’t she having doubts where none had been before? Weren’t strange new feelings haunting her while questions crept into her mind that she hardly dared even acknowledge, much less try to answer?
    Instead she pushed the questions deep inside her where she could almost forget them. Except when she met the doctor’s eyes. Then the questions echoed in her mind and the doubts ate at her soul. So she kept her eyes to the ground away from the doctor. Better to push away the questions than to allow them to upset the peace she’d always known there with her Shaker sisters and brothers. Still she could feel his presence each time he was in the village. He seemed to linger to seek her out with his eyes as if he had questions of his own to be answered.
    Gabrielle bent herself to her tasks. She set her mind to the Believers’ way and did her best to put her hands to work and give her heart to God. She worked patiently with the little girls she taught, showing the same love and acceptance to those who were slow to grasp new ideas as to those who learned more easily and with joy.
    Learning was a magical thing to Gabrielle. She grabbed at each new thing offered to her eagerly. She’d read all the books the Believers had, and sometimes with a pang of regret, she thought of the shelves of books her Uncle Jonas had owned. She remembered the feel of their dark bindings as she’d traced their titles with her fingers in anticipation of the