Free A Little Rain by Dee Winter

think as he looks over.  “What
is it Skit?  Tell me.”
    “I had a bit of a row, with Mrs. Diaz, on the phone
just now.”
    “You did?  Nothing new there.”  He says sounding not remotely
concerned.  He cannot see the cartoon image of the fuse-lit bomb above his head
that I’m about to drop.  “Don’t let her get to you.”  I start to blub, like a
baby.
    “I’ve fucked it today Rob... I’ve fucked it.  She
won’t let me see Ruby… I think coz I was rude.  I think I swore at her.”
    “Fucking hell, what did you say?”
    “Nothing.  I didn’t say anything.”
    “You must’ve said something, don’t fuck about.”
    “Only...  I just said that Marcia should answer her
phone, only I think I swore, and I don’t think she liked the way I said it.”
    “You idiot!”   He says with annoyance. “Don’t think
crying like a kid’s going to make anything better.”
    “I’m sorry.”  It’s not the first time my mouth’s got
me into trouble, but not usually like this.  “Maybe you should go round there, maybe
she’s only pissed off with me, coz I swore.”
    “Of course I’m going round there.”
    “I don’t spose…”
    “No, you don’t suppose you’re coming with me.  I’m
taking you home.  Why don’t you go hang out with your knockabout boyfriend, see
if I give a shit.”  It’s been a long time since Rob’s been like this.  We
rarely fall out.  I want to just start crying again but I don’t.  I sit quietly,
holding it in.  I don’t make another sound.  

5
Saturday Later
     
    Rob drops me home in silence and only gestures to my
bag in the back.  I take it, and then off he drives, without me.  I entirely
regret the phone call to Mrs. Diaz.  I know if I kept my cool I could have
spent the day with them.  I just love spending time with Ruby.  It’s a bitter
punishment to be left out.  I think about my alternatives.  Call the bar, maybe
work a shift, or just go there for a drink.  I think no, it’s a Saturday.  I
could do with the cash but I don’t feel like working today.  I’m tired.  Maybe I’ll
text Benny and see if he wants me.  There isn’t anyone else who will.  I know
for sure today Benny’s not working.  He worked last weekend.
    I go back in to the flat to freshen up.  I get in the
shower to wash the dank smell of stale cigarettes and sweaty club off me and wash
the black marks off my feet.  I change into a clean tracksuit that still smells
of floral-scented fabric conditioner.  I wander to the fridge.  The milk is off
and the white bread has green spots on it.  I should go shopping before I do
anything but I think if I go to Benny’s I am probably not coming back.   I then
think I haven’t even spoken to Benny yet.  It might still be that I’m in this
evening on my own after all.  I ring him.  He is still in bed.  It’s only just
midday but I’m pretty sure the noises he was making meant it was ok for me to
come over.  I get myself ready.  I get my usual going out, staying out bag
together.  The shopping can wait.
    When I get round to Benny’s the door is open.  It’s
nice to be expected although it is slightly worrying that any old toad could be
in there.  I get a bit of a shock as just as I’m in the hallway, Benny’s flatmate
Tobes is on the way out and almost knocks me flying.  “Hey Ella. Can’t stop.”  He
says rushing past without so much as looking at me.
    “Ok.”  I reply, walking on, not bothering to look back
either.  Benny has his bedroom door locked.  I have to knock.  Nothing happens.
 I knock harder and say.  “Hey, let me in asshole.”  I hear a groan and then
some shuffling.  He unlocks the door for me and falls straight back into bed.  The
smell of weed and unwashed bed linen hits me.  I don’t bother with
conversation.  There’s no point talking to him while he’s like this.  Even if
he hears me he won’t be listening and won’t remember a word, so I just say
nothing.  I