Free Prescription for Chaos by Christopher Anvil Page A

"Why should we try to suppress this?"
    "The question is academic, because we can't. But bear in mind, we get paid for killing germs and easing pain. Uplifting human nature is not our line of work."
    "But—"
    "If we're going to stay in business, we can't ignore a money maker like this. But we're going to have to find out if we can get hay fever relief without incidentally making the customer feel friendly."
    "But why eliminate a good side effect?"
    "The customer isn't asking for it. The ideal drug does exactly what the customer buys it to do, and nothing else . He buys drugs to relieve an ache or kill a germ, not to have his head feel tight, to get sleepy, or to have green fur grow on his tongue."
    "This is different."
    "And, since we probably can't get rid of this side effect, we'll start work on an antidote."
    Hommel felt staggered. " Antidote? "
    "Right, Mort. An antidote. Just in case."
    Despite Hommel's objections, Banner insisted. Being the boss, Banner got his way. The problem itself proved as interesting as the original problem, so that Hommel soon forgot his objections.
    Meanwhile, the new drug appeared on the market, and Hommel exasperatedly read the label:
    Nullergin-20
    For relief of Allergy Symptoms. Take one to three tablets per day as required, to relieve symptoms of hay fever, or allergic response to dust, cat hair, egg white, or other causative agent. Nulllergin-200 is a new formulation, designed to overcome symptoms of allergic response to a wide range of substances. Like all drugs, it should be used in moderation. CAUTION : In some persons, Nullergin-200 has been found to apparently induce a sense of friendliness; discontinue use where this side effect is undesirable.
    Where , Hommel asked himself, would a sense of friendliness be "undesirable" ? Then he shrugged. The main thing was, this blessing for allergy sufferers was on the market.
     
    The sales of Nullergin-200, with a minimum of advertising, picked up steadily. By hay-fever season, the cash registers were ringing all over the country. It was then that Banner called Hommel into his office.
    "How's that antidote coming?"
    "It's quite a complex problem. But we're making measurable progress."
    "Measurable progress? Well, put all the man power on it you need, because we're getting into a measurable mess."
    Hommel looked blank. "What do you mean?"
    Banner had several newspapers on his desk, and tossed one over. "Look at the headlines."
    Hommel read:
     
    ULTERIOR STRIKE SETTLED
Management Yields After Long Struggle
     
    Banner said, "Take a look at that picture."
    Hommel frowned at a photograph of two men, the first grinning in triumph, the second smiling benevolently, with his arm around the other's shoulder. Behind them stood several rows of men, some smiling, some scowling, a few with handkerchiefs at their faces.
    Hommel said blankly. "I see it. But—"
    "Look at the part of the story that's circled."
    Hommel spotted several paragraphs marked in heavy pencil:
 
Mr. Scharg explained that he wished the union well, and hoped the company would be able to offer a similar raise every year.

Asked for his comment, Mr. Kraggenpaugh, the union representative, expressed contentment with the contract "for the time being. If the management had accepted this offer earlier, it would have saved everyone trouble. This proves they could have done it all along."

Not available for comment was Maurice De Pugh, executive vice president, who earlier argued that accepting the union's demand would put the company out of business.

Mr. Scharg's sudden reversal took everyone by surprise. The question now raised is how Ulterior, in light of the latest drop in sales, can afford a pay raise it rejected last year, when it was making a profit.

Mr. Scharg's report to the upcoming stockholders' meeting is eagerly awaited.
 
    Hommel frowned, and looked back at the photograph. The man smiling in friendship was identified as Mr. Scharg. The man grinning in triumph was Mr.