Free Prescription for Chaos by Christopher Anvil Page B

Kraggenpaugh.
    He studied the photograph more closely, and noticed that, of the men who had handkerchiefs raised, two apparently were blowing their noses, and one had his eyes shut, as if sneezing violently.
    Banner said, "Kind of an unusual thing, Mort."
    "It certainly is." Studying the photograph, Hommel could see a bulge in the pocket of Scharg's suit coat. It could be a pair of gloves. But who would carry gloves in hot weather? It could be a handkerchief. But Scharg did not look as if pollen were bothering him .
    Or it could be a pill bottle.
    Banner said, "Mort, this stuff doesn't put a man into a stupor, does it?"
    "No."
    "What happens if he takes an overdose?"
    "Well, the more he takes, the greater the . . . the effect."
    "The more pills he takes, the friendlier he gets?"
    Unwillingly, Hommel said, "Yes."
    Banner handed across another paper.
    Hommel was confronted by large headlines:
     
    KIDNAP VICTIM SAFE!
Police Recover Youth
In High-Speed Chase
Father Hugs Kidnapper
 
    A photograph showed a well-dressed man pumping the hand of a tough-looking individual handcuffed to an astonished policeman. Hommel glanced at the text:
 
". . . But this is the man who kidnapped your son!"
"I don't care," the boy's father told the police officer. "I just feel friendly toward everyone ."
 
    Hommel looked up. "We don't know he was using our product."
    "Can you think of some other explanation?"
    "No." Hommel looked puzzled.
    "Neither can I. And here's something else I never heard of before." He handed Hommel a page torn out of a magazine.
    Reluctantly, Hommel took it, to see an advertisement showing a cheerful overalled figure holding an electric drill, a section of an article about a high-speed passenger train, a small ad for a suction-plunger to clean out drains, and finally a paragraph circled in heavy pencil:
 
LONELY? NEED FRIENDS?

Our method brings Guaranteed Results. No need to exchange photos. This is not a pen-pal club. This method is New and Proven. You pick who you want for a friend in advance . Then take our Mystery Substance and use it. That's all. Now you have a friend! Can be used on anyone. Sex, age, social class, do not matter. Sound great? It is great! Full instructions included. Send $2.25 to Friendly Universe, Box 250, Dept. W3 . . .
 
    Hommel looked up dizzily.
    Banner pulled open a desk drawer, took out a small stamped package, opened it up, removed a stoppered vial from a cardboard tube, and unfolded a large sheet of paper labeled: "Now—A Friendship Essence—Here are your Instructions!"
    Hommel swallowed hard, and read "Now, an ancient mystery from the mysterious East, but guaranteed by Modern Science, makes it possible for anyone— even you! —to have friends! And it is so easy! . . . Contained in this vial is the Mysterious Miracle Essence compounded from an ancient formula . . . some say the mysterious vital essences of Earth, Air, Fire, and Water are condensed into it by magically enchanted strictly scientific equipment . . . but we say only, it works , and it's wonderful  . . . All that you need to do is buy a simple atomizer at any drugstore, and spray this Mystery Essence around the room before your chosen friend gets there. Or, you go where they are, and squirt it around when they aren't looking . . . The Mystery Essence will do the rest. It never fails! . . . There is no law against this. It is perfectly legal, and you are doing them a favor  . . . The power of the Mystery Essence will secretly protect your chosen friend against hay fever, cold and poison ivy! Refills available at $2.25 each from Friendly Universe, Box 250 . . ."
    Hommel looked up in stupefaction. "Great, holy, leaping—"
    Banner said, "You see, Mort, it isn't such a harmless side effect, is it?"
    "I never imagined—" He stared at Banner. "Could you foresee all this?"
    "Not the details. But if you should come in here with a little pill that cured headaches, and had no side effects, and