Free Prescription for Chaos by Christopher Anvil

pill.
    "She only faints now , when there's nothing to be afraid of."
     

Is Everybody Happy?
    Morton Hommel, Ph.D., Director of the Banner Value Drug and Vitamin Laboratories, Inc., beamed proudly as old Sam Banner, the company's founder and president, sat back and squinted at the little bottle of dark-purple pills.
    "They what? " said Banner.
    "Eliminate the allergic response."
    "You mean, they cure hay fever?"
    "They do. And not only hay fever, but the entire spectrum of—"
    "Hold on a minute. They do cure hay fever?"
    Hommel got control of his enthusiasm.
    "They alleviate the distress . They . . . ah—"
    "Stop the sneezing?"
    "Yes—and the other symptoms."
    "How about the side effects?"
    "Well . . . there we have a—" Hommel hesitated. "There seems to be only one side effect."
    "What's that?"
    "Well, it's . . . nothing uncomfortable. No sensation of tightness in the head, or sleepiness, or anything that can be classified as distressing in any way. Quite the contrary."
    Banner set the pills on his desk.
    Hommel struggled on. "It's . . . ah—Well, it's unusual, and yet, it s highly bene—That is, it's a good side effect."
    "What is it?"
    "There's an extremely pleasant sensation of . . . well . . . friendliness and fellow-feeling. Possibly, to some extent, this is a reaction from the distress experienced by the allergic individual—"
    "If you've got hay fever and you take these pills, the pills make you feel friendly ?"
    Hommel hesitated. "Yes."
    "Friendly toward what ?"
    "Well—There's a pleasant slightly euphoric—"
    "Never mind the gold paper and fancy ribbon, Mort. You feel friendly. Is that right?"
    "Yes. It's a . . . very pleasant sensation of fellow-feeling."
    "Do you see things?"
    Hommel blinked. "What—"
    "Does the lamp post grow big violet eyes? Do you get swept off on a wonderful voyage of discovery, and learn the inner secrets of the universe, which evaporate after you get back?"
    "No. It's definitely not hallucinogenic."
    "You just feel friendly ?"
    "Yes."
    "Friendly towards what ?"
    "Well . . . it's hard to define. It's a sense of fellow-feeling. By no stretch of the imagination could it be considered a harmful side effect."
    "You think it's a good side effect?"
    "Frankly, yes."
    "Then let's nail down what it does."
    "I don't know how better to describe it than to say it's a sensation of warm fellow-feeling and friendliness ."
    "You've taken the pills, yourself?"
    "Yes. And they relieved my hay fever completely. I'm sure if you'd care to try the—"
    Banner said dryly, "I don't have hay fever. Now, since you've tried it yourself—"
    "And we've thoroughly tested it. My report—"
    "Your report read like a banquet with all the delicacies—cooked in the cans. Kind of hard to digest."
    Hommel opened his mouth and shut it. "I don't know how else to express it. You feel friendly . We need more friendliness in the world."
    "Suppose you drive somewhere, and take this pill so you won't have hay fever?"
    "Your reactions to driving situations are perfectly normal. There's no falling off in reaction time, no sleepiness, no feeling of unreality. You do feel more friendly toward other drivers. You're more likely to be accommodating, and less likely, for instance, to try to beat them at the light. We find the drug makes the user, indirectly, a more careful driver. This isn't its purpose, of course; but I don't see how it could be considered a harmful side effect."
    "This feeling of friendliness—Do you feel friendly toward your car, for instance? Or just toward other people?"
    "Possibly it's correct to say that a man is incidentally more careful of his car. I suppose that might be interpreted as friendliness. But the inner sensation is a sense of fellow-feeling , for other human beings."
    Banner sat back and scowled at the bottle of small dark-purple pills.
    "If it were entirely up to me, Mort, these pills would go straight down the nearest drain. Unfortunately—"
    Hommel was astonished.