Free Chemical Burn by Quincy J. Allen

okay,” she said, holding up her hands in submission. I closed my eyes and listened to her carefully. “The back door opens into a large kitchen. There’s a breakfast nook immediately to the right, and beyond that it opens into a dining room. There’s a short hallway on the right from the kitchen past the dining room the living room. On the left, there’s a long hallway that ends at the foyer.” She took a deep breath. “The living room entrance is to the right of foyer. There’s an office to the left of the front doors and a bathroom to left of that. Stairs going up run back along left side of hallway. At the top of the stairs is a small sitting room that looks down on the living room and hallway. Straight back from the sitting room is the main hallway. There are two bedrooms on the right and a master bedroom on left. The door at the end of the hallway opens onto the patio. The master bedroom has doors opening on to the patio as well.” She took another deep breath. “How’d I do?”
    I opened my eyes and gave her a smile. “Perfect, I can see it.”
    A horn blared behind us. I put it in gear and slowly pulled ahead.
    “Okay,” I said, “I’m going to put on a show for these assholes. Play along and assume they don’t recognize you, no matter what.”
    “You got it.”
    “Also, and this is really important, when I snap my fingers, you close your eyes tight until you hear a bang, understand?”
    “Perfectly.”
    “Screw that up and they’ll most likely kill you before I can get them. After the first bang, you move and shoot. You get the far ones with the Glock. I’ll take care of anyone within ten feet.”
    “Okay,” she said a bit doubtfully and checked the Glock on the back of her belt.
    “One last thing …”
    “WHAT?”
    “Tile, wood, or carpet?”
    “What?” She looked confused again.
    “Tile, wood, or carpet?” I repeated slowly.
    “Hardwood. Why?”
    “This is gonna be messy,” I said with a wicked grin, and I felt the old me gain a foothold in anticipation of what I was about to do.
    “You’re not setting off any of those burning thingamajigs, are you?”
    “Don’t worry. Those won’t work in a situation like this. We’ll all be mixed together … up close and personal. Remember to wait for the bang when I snap, and we’ll be in and out in a jiffy. Start moving fast after it goes off, and they’ll shoot where you were, not where you are.” I turned left down the alley.
    “There,” Natalia pointed, “… with the trash cans.”
    “No recycle bins?” I scolded.
    She gave me another dirty look, which I ignored. I came to a stop closest to the cans, blocking most of the alley. The patio stretched over the back yard, covering more than half of it and nearly reaching the alley. In the upstairs window, I saw a head attached to a black suit quickly pull out of sight. A moment later the flicker of a face appeared in the window of the back door. I reached into a pocket and stuck my arm in deeper than should have been possible. Natalia got a surprised look on her face, and to her amazement, I pulled out a bottle of beer. I twisted off the top and grinned at her.
    “Show time,” I said with a giant grin. I opened the truck door and took a swig of beer, “Ugh! Warm!” I stepped into the alley, leaving the door open and the engine running.
    “Good luck,” she whispered.
    “Luck favors the prepared mind,” I quipped, and let the predator loose. I staggered out of the truck like a drunk, fumbled with the gate and finally got it open. Twenty feet lay between me and the back door. As I stumbled up the sidewalk, I reached into another inner pocket and pulled out a bright orange sphere the size of a Ping-Pong ball that had two small black buttons on opposite sides.
    In my best southern drawl, I shouted back at the truck as I stumbled towards the gate, “I’m tellin’ ya, honey, God damn it! This is Billy’s place, and he said there was more beer in the fridge!”
    “I still