Free BITTER MEMORIES: A Memoir of Heartache & Survival by Sue Julsen, Gary McCluskey

bad.”
    “Yeah, me too.” He got out, opened my door, and we walked hand in hand to the building where the restrooms were. He took me to the ladies’ side, and said, “If you get finished first, stand right here,” he pointed to a spot, “and wait for me.”
    When I came out, he stood in that very spot.
    “Thought you were gonna stay in there all day.” He grinned. “You hungry?”
    “Yep! Starving!”
    “Well, let’s blow this Popsicle stand and find a restaurant.” Again we walked hand in hand back to the car. I jumped in and grabbed my blanket. 
    Daddy drove a long time before he found a café. He pulled into the lot and said, “Guess this dump will have to do. I hope the food’s good.” 
    It was a small place, but warm and clean, and the food wasn’t bad. I had an omelet and a Coke. Daddy had his usual bacon, eggs, toast and coffee.
    He didn’t like the looks of either waitress, and whispered, “These ladies are a little too old for me. We need to get on down the road anyway. Maybe the next place will have a better selection.”
    Finishing breakfast, I went to the bathroom, but when I came out Daddy was talking to a younger woman who came in while I was gone. I went back to the table and said, “I’m ready to go, Daddy.”
    “Lisa, this is my daughter I told you about. She won’t be in our way tonight.”
    The woman peered down her slightly crooked nose with contempt and stared at me. “What ya gonna do with her ?” she asked, snootily, then looked at me like I was a cockroach that needed to be stepped on.
    “She’ll stay in the car.” Daddy smiled at her, then took my hand and walked me out to our car. I looked up at her overly painted face, and her bleached hair that looked like straw, not knowing why Daddy had picked her.
    “I’m gonna go with Lisa for a little while, so you be good.” Smiling, he closed my door. I felt sad as I watched him get into her red car and drive away. When it got dark and he still hadn’t returned, I lay down to wait, holding my blanket tight, and fell asleep.
    At the crack of dawn he came back, waking me up when he climbed in the car. I sat up, looked out the window, but I didn’t see the woman’s red car. Daddy, however, looked exhausted, and beads of sweat rolled down his forehead.
    “Are you okay, Daddy? Are you sick?”              
    “I’m fine, Sarah, but we need to get outta here. We need to go to another state.”
    Daddy seemed agitated, and his voice was filled with tension. Not wanting him to get mad at me, I lay down and didn’t ask any more questions. He drove out of the restaurant parking lot, and never looked back. He also never mentioned Lisa or what had happened to put him in a bad mood.
    It was some time before he looked back at me, and the look in his eyes made a chill run down my spine. His eyes seemed haunted by an inner anxiety, and I tried to be invisible. I didn’t know what to expect next, but fear built inside me like never before, and a dull, empty ache gnawed at my stomach.
    I wanted to make things better, but I didn’t know what to do. I felt so sorry for Daddy. Something bad must’ve happened. If only he’d talk to me; tell me what to do to make the hurt go away. 
    “I love you so much, Daddy. Please be happy again. Please!” I whispered.

 
     
     
     
     
    Nine
     
     
    1956 – Wyoming
     
    “Sarah, did I ever tell you I have a brother?”
    “No, Daddy. What’s his name?”
    “Frank. And, he lives here in Wyoming.” 
    “Wyoming? Weren’t we here before, Daddy?”
    “Yes, we were. We’ve been back and forth between Wyoming, Kansas, and Oklahoma several times in the last two years.”
    “Why, Daddy?”
    “Well, just in case…Sarah, you wouldn’t understand. It’s complicated.”
    “Oh. Why didn’t we see your brother last time?”
    “He wasn’t home last time, but I called a few days ago to let him know we’d be in town. We’re gonna stay with him for a while. He has three boys, so