Free The Voyage of the Golden Handshake by Terry Waite

selection from
    the huge range available.
    On production of your Cruise-card you will receive
    a 5% reduction if you carry your purchases back to the ship yourself.
    If you have them delivered, the reduction will be 3%.
    Please indicate below your requirements.
    After Calais
    there will not be another opportunity to purchase beverages
    until we reach the port of Cochin in India,
    noted for its excellent whisky,
    so we advise all passengers to consider their requirements carefully.
    Albert read the list with a pained look on his face.
    ‘I thought the brochure said booze would be free,’ he said to Udi.
    ‘Duty-free,’ replied the butler. ‘All duty-free, sir. Very good bargain, sir.’
    After asking if the occupants of the Balcony Suite required anything further and being told, ‘Not now, lad,’ Udi withdrew and only managed to close the door by pulling it violently and causing a picture of Westminster Pier, the home of one of the other Ships of the Line, to crash to the floor. Albert picked it up and laid it on the bed.
    ‘Well, luv,’ he said to Alice, who was gazing incredulously at the upper porthole, ‘at last we’re on our way.’
    As if by some miracle, their suitcases had been delivered to their Suite and Alice set about unpacking and arranging their clothes in the very modest wardrobe. As she was engaged in this task, her husband climbed the steps and gazed out of the porthole.
    ‘We seem to be moving,’ he called down. ‘Although not very fast.’ From his vantage-point he could not see the sea but he had an excellent view of the clouds, and this told him that the ship might be moving through the water. There was also the thump thump from the engine, but this was an unreliable guide to movement as the Chief Engineer often tested the machinery when in port and had advised the passengers that from time to time the engine might make a little more noise than usual.
    Albert was just stowing the suitcase beneath the bed when a slip of paper appeared under the door. He picked it up.
     
    It read:
    Dear Balcony Suite Guest
    During the course of the voyage
    important announcements will be made over the
    Public Address system.
    It is important that you listen to them carefully.
    Three minutes before an announcement is due
    a buzzer will sound in your cabin.
    When you hear this you should immediately leave your cabin
    and walk briskly along
    the corridor (see diagram).
    Ascend the first steps you come to
    and at the top you will see a marker which clearly says
    PUBLIC INFORMATION POINT.
    Stand as close to this marker as possible and you will hear the
    message clearly.
    Thank you for your kind attention.
    Enzo Bigatoni Cruise Director.
    No sooner had Albert read the information through to Alice when a loud buzzing noise was heard in the cabin. ‘That’s it, luv,’ he said to Alice. ‘Let’s get moving’.
    They tugged at the door, which reluctantly opened onto the corridor, along which several other couples were hurrying. With considerable effort they climbed the stairs and arrived at the Information Point, around which a large group of passengers had collected. There was a crackling noise and a small loudspeaker, fastened high on the wall, came to life.
    ‘This is Enzo your Cruise Director speaking with an important message,’ said the disembodied voice. ‘Please listen carefully.’
    ‘Can’t hear,’ said an anxious voice from somewhere in the crowd.
    ‘Shut up,’ said another, ‘otherwise none of us will hear.’
    ‘This morning at the prime time of eleven o’clock, and every morning at this same time, there will be a language class conducted by myself. In ten minute’s time I shall expect to see as many of you as possible in the Friesian Lounge, where I shallintroduce you to the French language. If you intend to go ashore this afternoon to collect your beverages, then it is of supreme importance that you have a basic grasp of French. Later in the cruise I shall be introducing you to other