Free Finals by Alan Weisz

Second, Catholics bear a burden of guilt that is tremendous. It’s constantly there, like a super tight-fitting belt. A Catholic would feel so dang horrible and guilty about committing murder. I don’t think that like, a good standing member of the Church would do something like that.”
     
    Poor naïve Trevor. I hoped that he like many others would be kept in the dark about my secret. He’d be destroyed to learn that an outstanding Catholic, one whom he thoroughly respected, had waxed Brent.
     
    “ Wonderful thought, Trevor! Many religious radicals have committed acts of violence; however, Christianity helps individuals learn acceptable societal norms and establishes a sense of morality. As Catholics, the concept of guilt is a familiar one, and as conventional wisdom indicates, sociopaths are immune to feeling a sense of remorse. This means our killer is a non-Catholic or has lost his way since he is clearly not regretting his actions,” said Hayley.
     
    “ Or maybe the guy is just a Catholic prick who is impervious to catching feelings. Some of my exes were that way,” said Vickie.
     
    “ What does that say about your love life?” I asked.
     
    “ Fuck you, Wayne.”
     
    “ Excellent idea, Trevor!” said the bubbly one, ignoring the side conversation taking place. “You’re turn, Wayne. Will you share a few of your theories with us?”
     
    “ I believe the killer knew Brent well or at least knew a few of his tendencies. Murder is often not a spur-of-the-moment decision, meaning whoever killed him did research or knew the victim’s characteristics. For example, if the alleged killer knew Brent had a bladder the size of an acorn and went to the bathroom more often than an old man with a prostate problem, then he or she knew the bathroom would be an ideal location for the murder. Also, given that Brent liked to study in the library an hour or two before a big test, the odds of finding him in a study room a few hours before his Personal Taxation test were high. Using this knowledge of the victim, the killer could have waited until he spotted Brent’s shoes from underneath one of the library’s bathroom stalls.
     
    “ With regard to the murder weapon, the selection of the knife was simple; it was the practical choice. Guns are efficient but the process is entirely too fast. The murderer doesn’t get the satisfaction of the kill. He can’t watch as the victim strains to live before sucking in one last dying breath. With a gun, one moment a person is alive and kicking and the next, their body is slouched on the sidewalk like a pile of trash waiting to be collected. Wire or fishing line lets the killer savor the process of taking a life. The drawback of this approach is that more effort is required. Given Brent’s physique, the chances of him escaping or hollering would have increased twofold if this weapon were chosen, which is why our killer used a blade.
     
    “ Sticking with the assumption that Brent and the killer were friends or acquaintances, the perpetrator likely said something to Brent to announce his presence. Something like, ‘You ready for the test today, big guy?’ Keeping in mind the killer moved quickly from the stall to the urinal, Brent was perhaps startled. Due to his brazen disposition, he would give a douche response such as, ‘Dude, you came out of nowhere. Don’t you see I have my dick in my hand? If I didn’t know you man, I’d say you were a homo.’ The killer would have pretended to vacate the room, causing the victim to become calm and urinate freely, then without a moment’s hesitation, the killer would return to Brent’s side. With the blade removed from his pocket, our sociopath would push Brent’s head downward, and in one fell swoop, slit his throat.
     
    “ Like in a horror movie, the wounded party would spray red corn syrup across the room, flailing around in an overly-dramatic manner. At this point, we know the killer is clearly a smart guy considering he