Free R.I.P Robbie Silva by Tony Black Page A

know any better I'd say you had something on your mind, Jed ... that bit of stuff is it?'
    'Silva's daughter? No danger.'
    He looked eyes on me. 'Oh, aye? ... You sure about that?'
    I was in no mood for this shite, and I knew I needed a clear head for the morning. I stood up, picked up the glass and drained a good belt, then, 'I'm turning in, got a big day ahead tomorrow.'
    'Come on, I'm only pulling your leg – have a bevvy with me!'
    I turned away. 'Another time.'
    'I'll be in Spain!'
    'Well, when you get back then.' As I went through to my room I hoped I'd still be around when he got back, and not banged up after another performance by Gail.

    * * * *

    I kicked off my Timberland boots, dived onto the bed. I lay there staring at the ceiling as a little light crept in from the street signs. It was still raining – suited my mood.
    I couldn't put my finger on it – I swear for the life of me I couldn't – but there was something about the way this Gail bit looked at me that made me think of Jody. My sister was gone, but the look she used to have in her eye when I'd come back from that garage, that first fucking job I had as a grease monkey. She would put those eyes on me, those big staring, pleading eyes like she wanted to tell me something, but ... well, she did in the end, but I almost wished she hadn't.
    When I found out what had been going on, what my old man had done to her, everything changed. I couldn't live with myself in that borstal. I was fighting everyone, even the screws, and I was still only a lad and they were grown-up. I just hated the world and it had holed-up in me. My only comfort was that I had Jody; she hadn't visited ever, but I knew she was there. Well, I thought she was.
    I don't know how long it was after they told me Jody had been moved to another town, with the foster family, maybe six months, maybe a year, but that was when the sky came down.
    They put two screws in the room with me when they broke the news.
    'Sit down would you, Jed,' said Mr Parker, he was the Governor, he was a doctor and wore a white coat sometimes, but not today; he had a tweed jacket on, I remembered the elbow patches on it, leather, brown leather they were, and frayed at the edges. I wondered who had sewn them on for him. Funny that, the things that stick in your mind sometimes.
    'Why?' I didn't want to sit.
    'I think it would be better.'
    I knew now why he was telling me to sit, but I was too young then to get the picture. He sat beside me on the bed, then turned to face me. I tried to face him but my mind was on the screws and what they were up to. I didn't want to be jumped by them. I thought it unlikely with Mr Parker – Old Nosey they called him – around but you couldn't be too sure.
    'What is it?' I said.
    'I'm afraid we've had some bad news today.'
    I shrugged; I wasn't following him.
    'Yes, some bad news ...' I smelt aftershave off him he was so close. Years later I found out it was called Tabac and came in little white bottles; I've never liked it since. He went on, 'I'm sorry to have to tell you that your sister, Jody, has died.'
    The words hit me like a boot to the gut; I swear I doubled over. 'No. It's not true,' I said.
    'I'm very sorry. They found her this morning, there's no doubt.' He stood up. I felt his hand on my back for a second but I pulled away. The screws moved in at that point but Old Nosey flagged them down.
    'How?' It didn't make sense; she was younger than me.
    He hesitated; I watched him remove his glasses and rub at his eyes. 'Your sister ... your sister took her own life.' He put on his specs again. 'I am dreadfully sorry, Jed.'
    As I started to cry they left me alone.
    My memory of this time is patchy now, always has been, but I can still recall rocking to and fro on the bed for ages, the springs squeaking and squeaking. At some stage I must have fallen asleep and I awoke in the middle of the night. It was a clear night and I saw the moon in the sky through the bars on the window. I