Free Queen Mum by Kate Long

their own devices.
     Anything for a quiet life. But I don’t think they know how to boil an egg, to be truthful. They can stick summat in the microwave, that’s about it.
     Thing is, though, Juno’s got their backs up. It’s, I don’t know, the way she speaks to you, I can’t explain. And she definitely
     shouldn’t have told them to take their posters of Jordan down.
    Juno [To video diary] – I said to them, and I was quite reasonable, if you can justify the role of porn in society, you can keep your girlie pictures up. But they
     just went off in a strop. What can you do?
     That dog’s been on my bed again, as well.
    *
    Looking back, did I set out to dislike her?
    Before Kim and I met for our one and only lunch date, Kieran the producer came round and had a chat with me, talked about the aims of the programme, the target audience, the great feedback
participants had got in the months after their episode had aired. I asked if he knew how Juno was getting on and he said no, that was in the hands of his colleague at the other house and they
didn’t communicate during filming. Liar, I thought. So I asked how it was going at Cestrian Park. ‘Good,’ was all he gave me.
    ‘How’s Manny doing?’ I said.
    ‘Great.’
    ‘And the girls?’
    ‘They’re great too.’
    After a whole week there must have been something more to say, but he wasn’t giving it up. He did tell me that they’d film Kim and me for about an hour, then edit it down to a couple
of minutes at the most.
    ‘You understand, we may even cut you out altogether?’ I said I didn’t mind. ‘So, as far as you can, try to ignore the cameras. Do what you’d do if Juno was
here,’ he told me lightly.
    I still expected it to be Juno when I walked into the kitchen, which is mad, I know. By rights I should have been nervous about being on TV! but I wasn’t; the weirdness was not the
men in black standing around with electrical equipment, but Kim being in Juno’s place. She was sitting at the table but she got up straight away and came over to give me a hug. Her hair smelt
of cigarettes. I wondered what Manny thought about that.
    ‘Come in, come in,’ she was saying, as if it was her house. The cameras wheeled back as she crossed the floor. ‘Let me make a brew. I’m doing cheese on toast for us, is
that OK? Or I can open a tin of soup.’
    Her voice was husky, her tone friendly, and I should have liked the familiar Bolton cadences. But she was just wrong for the place.
    ‘Cheese on toast is fine. Have you worked out where everything is?’
    ‘Oh yeah. I had all the drawers and cupboards out on the first day. She’s a load of gadgets, your friend, han’t she?’
    As Kim moved round the room I took in again her shape – smaller than Juno, curvier – and her fair colouring. Unlike Juno, Kim wore full make-up, and her hair was sleek and straight.
A good cleavage, and she wore her faded jeans well, with little black boots. I got the impression she was enjoying the cameras on her.
    ‘How are you getting on with the girls?’
    ‘Oh.’ She turned from the grill. ‘Brilliant. They’re smashing. I tell you, we get on like a house on fire.’
    My heart swelled with pride on Juno’s behalf. ‘They are lovely, aren’t they? Very polite, and mature.’
    ‘Yeah, I said to Lee before I ever came, I’ll get the girls on my side from the start. Everything else’ll follow.’
    You seem pleased with yourself, I thought.
    Over the meal I got chance to look at her face more closely. She had a few lines round her eyes and her mascara was too thick. But she’d been pretty, in an obvious sort of way.
    ‘And how do you get on with Manny?’
    ‘Oh, Manny.’ She flicked her hair back over her shoulder. ‘Yeah, he’s coming round. He was a bit . . . you know, stand-offish at first.’
    ‘That doesn’t sound like Manny.’
    ‘I think it was just, we’d got off on the wrong foot. He didn’t like me smoking in the house, fair