Free Celebrity Chekhov by Ben Greenman

Alec Baldwin scowled and hid his head under the quilt.
    â€œIt’s a long way for you to go, and it’s dark,” he heard Kim’s voice an hour later. “Why shouldn’t you stay the night here? Will.i.am can sleep here on the sofa, and you, Tracy Morgan, in Ireland’s bed. I can put her in Alec’s study. Do stay, really!”
    At last, when the clock was striking midnight, all was hushed, the bedroom door opened, and Kim appeared.
    â€œAlec, are you asleep?” she whispered.
    â€œNo; why?”
    â€œGo into your study and lie on the sofa. I am going to let Mary sleep in here with me. I’d put her in the study, but she is afraid to sleep alone. Come on.”
    Alec Baldwin got up, threw on his robe, and taking his pillow, crept wearily to the study. Feeling his way to his sofa, he reached for a lamp, turned it on, and saw Ireland lying on the sofa. The girl was not asleep. She was staring at the ceiling with wide eyes:
    â€œDad, why don’t mosquitoes sleep at night?” she asked.
    â€œBecause we’re not wanted. We have nowhere to even rest for a minute.”
    â€œAnd why does Mary have dark hair now when her hair used to be light?”
    â€œThat’s enough questions for today. Maybe forever.”
    After a moment’s thought Alec Baldwin dressed and went outside to walk along the road. He looked at the gray sky, at the motionless clouds, heard the lazy call of a seabird, and began dreaming of the next day, when he could send Kim off to practice for the benefit, and Ireland with her, and he could tumble into bed. After a little while he saw a car parked on the shoulder. It was running and the lights were on. A man was sitting in the driver’s seat.
    Maybe it’s the police, thought Alec Baldwin. They patrolled sometimes late at night. He waved, as he was accustomed to doing with police. But as he drew closer, he recognized the man from the ferryboat, the one with the salmon pants.
    â€œHey,” Alec Baldwin said, tapping on the window. The man rolled it down. “You live around here?”
    â€œJust up the road,” sighed Salmon Pants.
    â€œWhy aren’t you there now?”
    â€œMy wife’s mother came in late this evening. She brought our nieces with her. Great girls, but when you get three generations of related women together, well, let’s just say that it was time for me to go for a little drive. Are you enjoying your evening?”
    â€œYes,” said Alec Baldwin. “It’s hard to imagine anything quite so pleasant. Do you know if there is any kind of restaurant open this late on this part of the island?”
    Salmon Pants raised his eyes to heaven and meditated profoundly.

Chapter 11
Joy
    I T WAS TWELVE O’CLOCK AT NIGHT.
    Kim Kardashian, with excited face and ruffled hair, flew into her family’s house and hurriedly ran through all the rooms. Her parents had already gone to bed. Her sisters were awake, trying on lingerie. Her stepbrother was looking at himself in the mirror.
    â€œWhere have you come from?” her sister Khloe cried in amazement. “What is the matter with you?”
    â€œOh, don’t ask! I never expected it; no, I never expected it! It’s positively incredible!”
    Kim laughed and sank into an armchair, so overcome by happiness that she could not stand on her legs.
    â€œIt’s incredible! You can’t imagine! Look!”
    Her other sister, Kourtney, threw a quilt round her and went in to fetch their stepbrother Brody. He came into the room, holding a hand mirror. Within a moment Kim’s parents were in the room as well.
    â€œWhat’s the matter?” her mother said. “You don’t look like yourself!”
    â€œIt’s because I am so happy. The whole world knows me! The whole world! Until now only you knew that there was a girl called Kim Kardashian, and now the whole world knows it! Mama! Thank heavens!”
    Kim jumped up, ran up and