Free I'm Having More Fun Than You by Aaron Karo

with tissues stuck inside the waistband of my boxers like a Kleenex holster.
    Some guys have complained to me that documenting stories like this, and in general revealing our tricks of the trade, both makes us look bad and destroys our competitive advantage. I disagree. On the contrary, I believe that the more informed a woman is, the more approachable she becomes. Besides, flirting really isn’t about trickery or subterfuge. Chicks aren’t stupid; they know what we’re doing for the most part. It’s all a carefully choreographed dance that girls choose to engage in willingly. After all, it takes two to play this game.

    CHAPTER 3
     
THE NAKED TRUCE
     
    Sex is a part of nature. I go along with nature.
    MARILYN MONROE
     
     
    O ne-night stands have traditionally been stigmatized as inappropriate sexual behavior. But as our generation gets married later and stays single longer, there are certain, well, needs that have to be met. Whether it’s an inebriated, emotionless encounter or a longer-term, casual hook-up, getting laid is no longer something to be ashamed of. In fact, when done with the right person (i.e., someone with more important things to do than worry about why you didn’t call the next day, or month) sex is something to be proud of—a stress-relieving experience between two consenting adults and an endless source of barroom tales for a guy to share with his friends. For happily single men and women approaching thirty, hooking up is less about one party taking advantage of the other, and more about a mutual desire to blow off some steam. This tacit agreement to give in to our basest instincts while pledging to remain unattached is the naked truce. From late-night booty texts to morning-after escapades, the quest to lay pipe then escape unscathed occupies the majority of our time and energy. Is it worth it? Is mindless and often unsatisfying sex better than no sex at all? Single people ponder these dilemmas with each other, though often the answer to these questions is simply another question: “Wanna get out of here?”
    GREAT EXPECTATIONS
     
    Since time immemorial, the phrase “Let’s go back to my place and watch a movie” has been code for “Let’s have sex within the next forty to fifty minutes.” To this day, my Netflix account is simply a list of films I’ve only seen half of. My pants come off and I’m like, “OK, send this one back to the top of the queue!” The first time a girl goes home with a guy, she’ll often try to be stern and lay down the law as to how far the hook-up is gonna go. One of my all-time favorite scenarios occurs when I’ve been hitting on a girl all night and throwing every piece of game I have at her. When I finally get her home, and we start hooking up, she pauses, looks at me, and whispers, “Just so you know, I’m not sleeping with you.” But instead of being dejected, I’m elated because now I know at least I’m getting a blow job.
    When a guy and girl are casually hooking up, it is expected that each encounter should build on the previous one. If you let me dabble in your pants last time, I expect you to dabble in mine this time. One of the most confusing situations for a guy is when a girl who has previously gone down on him will now barely touch him. Our brains cannot process this reversal of fortune. The whole reason I called you was because I knew that, even in the worst-case scenario, I’d at least be getting head. Now you’re saying I should take you to dinner? I’m not following.
    This same line of reasoning can be applied to sex once the relationship has made it that far. It’s all about momentum. The first go-round you often stick to standard missionary. The second time, girl-on-top gets thrown into the mix. The third stint introduces doggie, and so forth. Eventually you start anticipating your partner’s moves to the point where it almost becomes boring. This is called “marriage.”
    ----
    FUN FACT
     
    If a man takes a woman’s