Free Klutzy Love by Sharon Kleve

table is close to the restroom, in case one of your friend’s shows up with juicy gossip. You know, he’s not bad-looking and he has nice manners. I checked and he doesn’t have a boner yet.”
    Bob was studying the menu and I bent down to talk to Pete. “I got it! I know where I’ve seen him before: at a cop bar that Steve took me to last month. When I met him he was wearing Levis and a Mariners T-shirt — not a crazy bow tie. It’s all coming back to me now. His name isn’t even Bob, its Brett. He occasionally works undercover with Steve. Geez, that isn’t even a good disguise. Could Steve know about my speed dating and maybe have set Brett up as my date? There’s only one way to find out. I’ll play along and see how far he’s willing to go for a friend.”
    “Oh my, this is going to be good. Make sure to get me a snack before you bust his balls.”
    “Here we go. I hope he has a strong heart.” I was able to position Pete in a chair to my right. After Brett was seated, I leaned across the table and squeezed my boobs together, which doubled them in size and showed a considerable amount of cleavage. I tried not to laugh when his eyes nearly popped out of his head. Brett must’ve gotten a boner because I heard Pete chuckle. On cue, Kitty walked by and headed toward the bathroom.
    “Bob, I’m going to use the little girl’s room. I’ll be right back.” I laughed to myself; it was hard to call him Bob. I put a little sway in my step — take that, Steve.
    “Hi, Kitty. If you’re going to tell me Brett’s a friend of Steve’s, I already figured that one out. I’m going to torture him for a while and then cut him loose.”
    The first thing out of Kitty’s mouth was, “He’s super cute—can I have him?” with a silly grin on her face.
    “You know, if he wasn’t an undercover cop I’d say yes, but from my experience the’re not very flexible. And I’m not a hundred percent sure Brett’s spying on me. There’s always the possibility he’s lonely too and wanted a date.”
    “I have an idea; let me call my friend Kendall. He’s a guy, but wants to be a girl. It’s a long story, but he owes me a bunch of favors and I have a devious, yet simple plan to help find out the truth. I’ll have him make a phone call to Mr. Gyro’s requesting the waiter slip Brett a message to call Steve right away. When Brett makes the call, I can discretely follow and listen to their call. Steve would either be completely confused because he hadn’t made the call or Brett will automatically give him an update about the date and we’ve got him. Now, go back to your table and flirt a little bit. It’ll remove the blood from his brain and redirect it to his crotch.”
    I was back at our table for a minute when our waiter delivered a note to Brett and he informed me, “I’m going to the restroom.” He quickly walked in the direction of the bathroom.
    When he got back from his restroom break/phone call Kitty did the head roll towards the bathroom again. The other patrons would think we both had a bad case of diarrhea. Kitty confirmed my suspicion, “Brett called Steve from his cell phone, but he told Steve he needed to be patient and that he would call him later and give him all the details on his date with you. My plan worked perfectly.” Kitty was proud of herself.
    “Chin-up, get back out there and try to have a little fun.” Kitty gave me a pat on the head.
    Brett had ordered a couple appetizers and they were on the table when I got back. We shared beef with noodles in a lettuce wrap and chicken skewers in peanut sauce. We hadn’t talked much, but the food was excellent.
    When our plates were taken away he got a serious look on his face and casually asked, “How many dates have you been on tonight? Have you found anybody you want to see again? You need to be careful when meeting men online — it can be dangerous.”
    “Oh, you’re my second date tonight and I’m not sure if I’ll be seeing Nick