Free THE PRACTICAL PRINCESS and Other Liberating Fairy Tales by Jay Williams Page A

is no help for it. We shall have to send him the princess.” Princess Bedelia had come to the meeting because, as she said, she liked to mind her own business and this was certainly her business.
    “Rubbish!” she said. “Dragons can’t tell the difference between princesses and anyone else. Use your common sense. He’s just asking for me because he’s a snob.”
    “That may be so,” said her father, “but if we don’t send you along, he’ll destroy the kingdom.”
    “Right!” said Bedelia. “I see I’ll have to deal with this myself.” She left the council chamber. She got the largest and gaudiest of her state robes and stuffed it with straw, and tied it together with string. Into the center of the bundles she packed about a hundred pounds of gunpowder. She got two strong young men to carry it up the mountain for her. She stood in front of the dragon’s cave, and called, “Come out! Here’s the princess!”
    The dragon came blinking and peering out of the darkness. Seeing the bright robe covered with gold and silver embroidery, and hearing Bedelia’s voice, he opened his mouth wide.
    At Bedelia’s signal, the two young men swung the robe and gave it a good heave, right down the dragon’s throat. Bedelia threw herself flat on the ground, and the two young men ran.
    As the gunpowder met the flames inside the dragon, there was a tremendous explosion.
    Bedelia got up, dusting herself off. “Dragons,” she said, “are not very bright.”
    She left the two young men sweeping up the pieces, and she went back to the castle to have her geography lesson.
    The lesson that morning was local geography. “Our kingdom, Arapathia, is bounded on the north by Istven,” said the teacher. “Lord Garp, the ruler of Istven, is old, crafty, rich, and greedy.” At that very moment, Lord Garp of Istven was arriving at the castle. Word of Bedelia’s destruction of the dragon had reached him. “That girl,” said he, “is just the wife for me.” And he had come with a hundred finely-dressed courtiers and many presents to ask King Ludwig for her hand.
    The king sent for Bedelia. “My dear,” he said, clearing his throat nervously, “just see who is here.”
    “I see. It’s Lord Garp,” said Bedelia. She turned to go.
    “He wants to marry you,” said the king.
    Bedelia looked at Lord Garp. His face was like and old napkin, crumpled and wrinkled. It was covered with warts, as if someone had left crumbs on the napkin. He had only two teeth. Six long hairs grew from his chin, and none on his head. She felt like screaming.
    However, she said, “I’m very flattered. Thank you, Lord Garp. Just let me talk to my father in private for a minute.” When they had retired to a small room behind the throne, Bedelia said to the king, “What will Lord Garp do if I refuse to marry him?”
    “He is rich, greedy, and crafty,” said the king unhappily. “He is also used to having his own way in everything. He will be insulted. He will probably declare war on us , and then there will be trouble.”
    “Very well,” said Bedelia. “We must be practical.”
    She returned to the throne room. Smiling sweetly at Lord Garp, she said, “My lord, as you know, it is customary for a princess to set tasks for anyone who wishes to marry her. Surely you wouldn’t like me to break the custom. And you are bold and powerful enough, I know, to perform any task.”
    “That is true,” said Lord Garp smugly, stroking the six hairs on his chin, “Name your task.”
    “Bring me,” said Bedelia, “a branch from the Jewel Tree of Paxis.”
    Lord Garp bowed, and off he went. “I think,” said Bedelia to her father, “that we have seen the last of him. For Paxis is a thousand miles away, and the Jewel Tree is guarded by lions, serpents, and wolves.”
    But in two weeks, Lord Garp was back. With him he bore a chest, and from the chest he took a wonderful twig. Its bark was of rough gold. The leaves that grew from it were of fine silver.