Free The Twitter History of the World by Kelvin MacKenzie Page A

Commandments on two stone tablets, and gave them to Moses on Mount Sinai.

THE BUILDING OF THE PYRAMIDS
    @PharaohKhufu
I need something built. I want it to be 481ft tall & weigh 5.9million tonnes. Can you recommend someone? A Pole would be nice #pyramidscheme
09.15am, 2540BC
    @CairoPractors
@PharaohKhufu See…that’s gonna cost ya. We’ll need 100,000 men and anticipate it will take around 20 years. Best put the kettle on…
10.12am, 2540BC
    @PharaohKhufu
Labourers, eh? I always feel like they’re ripping me off but I feel too guilty to argue with the working-classes…
10.13am, 2540BC
    The ancient Egyptians built pyramids as tombs for the pharaohs and their queens. The best known, built for the pharaoh Khufu, was the ‘Great Pyramid’.

PYTHAGORAS’ THEOREM
    @Pythagoras
Dudes! In a right-angled triangle the area of the square on hypotenuse is equal to sum of areas of squares of other two sides.
12.01am, November 1, 500BC
    @Pythagoras
Or, to put it another way, a2 + b2 = c2. Amazing, eh?
12.03am, November 1, 500BC
    @IonianTweeter
@Pythagoras Dude, you seriously need to get your leg over.
12.04am, November 1, 500BC
    Ancient Greek mathematician Pythagoras could have bested Carol Vorderman when it came to the numbers (but probably not when it came to Rear of the Year contests).

OEDIPUS AND HIS MUM
    @Oedipus
#FF @QueenJocasta - now there’s a mother I’d love to fuck! #MILF
11.22am, January 2, 492BC
    @QueenJocasta
@Oedipus It can be arranged…
11.23am, January 2, 492BC
    An Ancient Greek relationship between mother and son, this fling launched a thousand therapists and - so we hear - more than a few lurid internet videos.

GREECE INVENTS DEMOCRACY
    @Pericles
Hello peeps! Am thinking of shaking things up, so everybody has a say in how the country is run. Seems fair, innit.
9.30am, 462BC
    @GreekWoman
@Pericles *Everybody*?
9.31am, 462BC
    @Pericles
@GreekWoman Well, everybody apart from women, foreigners and slaves. Obvs!
9.32am, 462BC
    @GreekWoman
@Pericles This is unfair.
9.33am, 462BC
    @Pericles
@GreekWoman Irrelevant. See above.
9.34am, 462BC
    @GreekWoman
@Pericles Classy.
    The Ancient Greek aristocrat Pericles is credited with inventing democracy, in 462BC. However, not all Greeks were allowed to participate.
#FAMOUSLASTTWEETS (PART ONE)
    @Chrysippus
Just got a donkey drunk and I’m now going to get it to eat figs. This is pure ROFLCOPTER!
8.12pm, April 30, 207BC
    The Greek philosopher Chrysippus died the way we all should: laughing at a drunken donkey’s attempts to eat figs.
THE TRIAL OF SOCRATES
    @Socrates
Got to go to court today for impiety and corrupting the youth. Hoping the News of the Screws don’t get on my case about the latter charge.
8.11am, March 22, 399 BC
    @Socrates
Got off lightly, all things considered. They just want me to drink this hemlock stuff. BRB.
8.11am, March 22, 399 BC
    Socrates died after being sentenced to drink hemlock poison. His epitath: ‘the unexamined life is not worth living’ would have fitted well into a Tweet.
ALEXANDER THE GREAT
    @Greece is now following you
336BC
    @Egypt is now following you
332BC
    @Arabia is now following you
331BC
    @Persia is now following you
330BC
    @Mesopotamia is now following you
330BC
    @India is now following you
327BC
    In little over a decade the Greek king Alexander The Great built a massive and formidable empire. He was undefeated in battle.

DAVID AND GOLIATH
    @Goliath
I’ve got a little scrap to attend to today. It will be a breeze, you watch…
8.22am, April 5, 1018BC
    @Goliath
Ah well. Form is temporary but class lasts forever. Or some such. *Embarrassed*
7.42am, April 5, 1018BC
    The first great ‘underdog’ story saw David the Israelite slay Goliath the Philistine.

JULIUS CAESAR
    @JuliusCaesar
Feel like ‘extending my empire’ – so to speak.
@Cleopatra, I’m cumming atcha!
3.40pm, June 4, 53BC
    @Cleopatra
@JuliusCaesar Dude, keep it for @NicomedesIV.
I’m not interested in being your beard.
3.42pm, June 4,