Free New Year by Bonnie Dee

two weeks.” She sat cross-legged nearby me. “You always knew exactly what you wanted and went for it.”
    “I guess.” I stopped scrubbing and looked up at her. “Except, I was never really sure if I wanted to practice law , or if I just did it because it was expected.”
    Mom clicked her tongue. “I don’t buy that. Not for a second. You wouldn’t have worked so hard and done so well if you didn’t want it.”
    “Maybe .” I had to agree, since I’d come to accept I really was a good fit for my job and enjoyed it.
    “You were always that way, even as a baby,” she went on. “Completely focused and furious at me if I stopped you from having what you wanted—like that dog. I would have liked to allow you to have a pet, but I knew I’d be the one taking it to the vet and cleaning up after it, and I had enough trouble making space in my work schedule to spend at least a little time with you.”
    “I would’ve done everything for that dog. You didn’t even give me a chance to prove it.” Anger from the past flared to burn in me once again. I swallowed it down. Stupid to fight about something that had happened so long ago. Why did I continue to let these incidents from the past rise up and piss me off all over again?
    “Well, maybe you’re right.” Mom shocked me with her mild tone. “And maybe I was too controlling. It’s easy to see all my mistakes in hindsight.” She ran her hand over the nap of the carpet and sighed. “Easy to continue making the same mistakes too. I’m sorry I said negative things about your relationship with Jason. It’s your relationship, and it’s not my business. It certainly wasn’t my place to bring up your engagement in front of everyone before you were ready to announce it. I apologize.”
    I froze with my finger on the trigger of the spray bottle. I couldn’t have been more shocked if she’d offered to pay for the wedding and have it at her house. Was this some sort of reverse psychology? Was she trying to thwart my desire to be with Jason by conceding to it?
    And then, like some biblical miracle, a blinding light of clarity exploded in my brain. It didn’t matter . Whether she was being sincere or manipulating me really didn’t matter. I’d told myself hundreds of times that I should stop caring what my parents thought, that I should be an adult at last and only worry about doing what I thought was right for me. Yet I’d never truly felt it. Not deep down where it counted.
    “If you believe Jason is enough for you, then I wish only the best for you.”
    Another flash of enlightenment ripped through me, and I understood what a religious conversion must feel like. I suddenly “got it.”
    “The question isn’t whether Jason is enough for me, but whether I’m enough for him. I’ve been considering our future together solely from my viewpoint. As if I’m some great prize. I can be moody and very stubborn —as you’ve pointed out, bossy, rigid, too analytical, and not all that kind.”
    I paused for breath. My mom didn’t rush to deny my self-analysis.
    “But Jason is nice . He’s got a wicked sense of humor sometimes, but he’s really sweet and caring and considerate of me. We fit together, and I’m honored he would ask me to spend my life with him. I know I’m not the easiest person to live with.”
    “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree,” Mom murmured and smiled at me.
    I grinned back, my heart suddenly light and my mind absolutely decided. “Honestly, I have to thank you for forcing me to think hard, because now I know exactly what I want.”
    She nodded , the smile lingering on her lips. “It could be very difficult, you know.”
    “I know.”
    She plucked at the loose fibers on the corner of the rug, which, apparently, Baby had chewed. “So, I have just one more piece of motherly advice to offer.”
    “Lay it on me.” I could actually joke about it. Her ability to get under my skin had completely evaporated in an instant, and I