Free She's Out of Control by Kristin Billerbeck Page A

shopping is a sport for you, and that you can’t see me without pointing out your new shoes. I love how you toss all that material stuff aside when you’re singing at church, or at the Food Kitchen, or working overnight on a patent. I love how you can tackle a theological argument with the tenacity of a good lawyer and a missionary. You are such a complete enigma to me, and I just find you absolutely fascinating. You’re everything God left off of me. I’m plodding, deliberate, and driven, but I haven’t stopped thinking about you since we were seeing each other.”
    Alrighty then . I’m looking around the room for something, anything, to pull me away from this fiery conversation. This is very bad. I remind myself that I have a boyfriend, but who wouldn’t be flattered? And maybe, just maybe I’m a little more moved than I’d like to be.
    I’m holding the candy dish. As Kevin reaches for my hand, he slowly brushes his fingers along mine before grabbing a lone M&M in the bowl and popping it into his mouth. I’d like to say it has no effect on me, but it does. Our eyes connect and I can feel the energy pulsating between us. I force myself to remember that Kevin is out of my league, and that his interest will most certainly pass. I am interrupted by another thought: his eyes are green, and I heard once that was the hardest color to make DNA-wise. But God mixed up a special palette for these. They are a combination of jade and army green. Just gorgeous, and absolutely mesmerizing. Dangerously mesmerizing.
    I pull my eyes away, and as I’m looking at his shirt collar, I realize that something within me stirs when I’m with him. It’s something I haven’t wanted to admit to, but I literally feel him near me. Being in love with Seth should quench that fire. Lord, help me to quench this fire. Seth, I think to myself . Seth.
    I clear my throat. “It’s too bad you missed Bible study. Seth led a fascinating discussion on Nehemiah and honoring God in all that you do.”
    He nods. “You’re not answering my question about sailing.”
    â€œI am. You’re just not liking my answer.” I venture a small glance at his eyes, and there it is again, that warmth in my chest.
    â€œFair enough. I’m sorry if I was out of line.”
    I shake my head. “It’s all right. Seth and I are going to be engaged soon. We’re more serious than we appear.” But even as I say it, I don’t know if I truly believe it. I want to make it so , but I’m not Captain Jean-Luc Picard, and I may not be capable just by willing it.
    Kevin puts the candy dish back on the table, and I notice the room has completely emptied of people. Even Kay is nowhere to be found. Kevin breathes in deeply and exhales as though about to say something profound.
    â€œSeth doesn’t seem like the type to commit, but then, you’re no ordinary woman, I suppose. If I see that, why wouldn’t Seth?” Kevin envelops my hand in his, and I feel it everywhere, along with the prick of guilt that follows it.
    My smile fades. “Really, Kevin, it’s not right for us to have this conversation.” I pull away my hand.
    â€œI understand. Please accept my apologies.” And then, he does the oddest thing. He bows his head. Almost in a Mr. Darcy manner, and I’m completely awestruck by the movement. I look around me to see if maybe I’ve been transported back to the seventeenth century. Stranger things have happened.
    â€œI want to marry Seth,” I say meekly, but it’s meeker than even I could have hoped.
    Kevin’s cheek flinches. “When he doesn’t even care enough about your feelings to say no to Arin? Why do you want a man like that?”
    And here’s the question of the day . “I can’t explain it in words, but I have so much history with Seth.”
    Kevin nods his head. “People who don’t study