Free Cursed by Charmaine Ross

been that little girl, laughing so freely, so happily when the photograph had been taken. Maybe it was because I liked looking at her while she was laughing. As though it eased my soul, knowing that somewhere, at some time, a little girl had a carefree, loving childhood.
    Or maybe it was because I’d never have a child myself. Could never offer a child a life like that. Not living the way I was. Not
being
who I was. I’d be too deluded to think I’d ever have a chance as precious as that.
    I placed the photo back down, battling the hollowness that had settled inside me. My childhood had been ripped away from me. I’d often fantasized about having a child of my own and being able to offer her everything I’d missed out on. We could have a childhood together. Discover things, live and laugh. I would share my time, and she would show me how to love. And I knew I’d never ever leave her. And I knew, without sharing that type of love, I’d always be empty with nothing to give of myself. Like I was now and had been for years. I wasn’t even sure if I knew how to be anything else anymore.
    The house was silent. I hesitated at the bedroom door. I hadn’t ventured outside of this room since I’d been here. I’d just been in a cycle of eating and rest, my body fighting to recover.
    I walked out of the bedroom and entered a tidy living area. The furniture was understated, designed with the same flowing lines as the dresser in his bedroom and built with the same deep, polished wood as the dresser in the bedroom. The room was decorated in neutral, warm grays with touches of color in a picture on the wall and a white glass vase on a bench. There was a low couch along one wall with matching armchairs on either side. A blanket was folded up at one end of the couch. His pillow at the other end. I traced the indent his head had made with my fingertip. The couch didn’t look long enough for his tall frame. He must be so uncomfortable because I’d taken him out of his bed.
    A dark wood wall table was placed beneath a window with the blinds drawn. Soft light filtered around the edges. Opposite the couch was an open wall with a large white shiny screen mounted on it that took up most of the wall space.
    “Julius?”
    There was no answer. I wandered down a hallway. There was another bathroom, this one slightly larger and housing what I recognized as a bathtub. There was a closed door at the end. I pressed the door, which swung open easily to a bedroom of soft pink walls and polished white furniture. There were toys on some shelving, dolls with princess dresses, teddy bears, and some others I didn’t recognize at all. The bed was neatly made and pink. Frilly little pillows were artfully piled on top, waiting for a little girl to toss them to the floor.
    This was strange. I was under the impression Julius lived alone, yet clearly a little girl lived here, or maybe she only came for visits. Maybe since I’d been here, Julius hadn’t had her here.
    I heard a clatter from the living area. I quickly closed the door and stepped back into the lounge room. Sounds came from the kitchen, and I peeked around the door frame to see Julius chopping up vegetables in the most technologically advanced kitchen I had seen in my life. The stove, oven, and sink were designed with clean, flowing lines. I could identify a cylindrical kettle with steam twirling from the spout. Other appliances I could also identify. A toaster, rectangular in shape and made from a gleaming charcoal metal, still had two slits for bread. It was good to know sliced bread was still available. There was an oven with a clear glass window, but that was where the similarities ended. To one side of the window was a complicated series of blue squares and blinking lights, some blue, others white and red, having some meaning I couldn’t determine from looking at them.
    “You were out?”
    Julius glanced up, his face easing into a quick smile that made my heart flutter. “I thought