Free Until I Love Again by Jerry S. Eicher Page B

walked out of the bedroom and down the stairs together. Daett looked up from his chair, alarm filling his face, as they entered the living room. He must have sensed that Susanna was ready to speak to him about the matter.
    Susanna squeezed her eyes shut, and her words began in fits and starts. “How could you have not told me before, Daett ? Couldn’t you just have…even a hint? Would that have been so wrong? Would I have died? It feels like I have now. You had all this time! All these years! How did you think I would never find out?”
    Tears formed in Daett ’s eyes. “I am guilty of all you say, Susanna, and of even more. My sins follow me to this day, and their sorrowhas come on you. I dare not ask your forgiveness. I wish only to make right what I have done wrong, so far as it is in my power to do so.”
    Weakness swept over Susanna, and the anger left. Daett ’s words had that effect on her. They always had. She loved the man, and yet…
    Daett stood up to stand beside Susanna. His arm slipped around her shoulder and he pulled her close. “You will always be mine,” Daett said. “ Mamm feels the same way. We can’t change the past, but we can help shape the future with our choices. The way has been opened for you, Susanna. I know it will not be easy, but we are here to stand with you and to walk the road beside you. Ernest will be a goot husband for you, and you will love his girls. And someday, if the Lord wills that other kinner be given to you, we will have our first grandchildren to love and to hold. They will never know that sin once cast its grave shadow upon your life. The Lord will see to this, as we walk in His ways.”
    Susanna leaned against Daett ’s shoulder. What else could she do? She had no strength to hold up her head, let alone protest.
    â€œ Mamm must have told you about the baptismal classes by now,” Daett continued. “Take courage, Susanna. I told Bishop Enos about our situation this week, and he will make things easy for you. All you must do is get up on your own two feet and walk upstairs. Nothing more is required of you.”
    Mamm spoke up. “Susanna will do this. I know she will.”

Chapter Ten

    S ome twenty minutes later, Henry pulled on the reins to turn Ranger toward Deacon Herman’s place on Bush Road. This section of the pavement didn’t go far, and Susanna waited for the moment when the deacon’s driveway came into sight. When she saw his place, the line of buggies beside the barn was still short, so Mamm had been correct—early was better this morning. Fewer people would be around to see her shame. She ought to wear a sign around her neck that read, “ Yah, I have an Englisha mamm .” Maybe the shame would end sooner that way.
    But on the other hand, she must not allow this bitterness a voice. Most of the community would know what had transpired last week. They would still be kind to her. She could be thankful for that. She shouldn’t blame the community for how they saw things. The world on the other side of the fence was a dangerous thing. There were reasons why no young unmarried Amish man would take her home from the hymn singing—or ever would. Englisha girls were known to leave their husbands after the wedding vows were said. Not even baptism would cleanse that fear from their minds. Only an experienced widower like Ernest figured he could take a chance on her Englisha wildness. And the next widower who showed an interest might be a worse option than Ernest—if such a man ever dared.
    â€œEasy there, boy,” Henry muttered to Ranger as he slowed for the turn into Deacon Herman’s driveway.
    There was no danger that Ranger would overturn the buggy, but Henry must have felt the need to say something. They had driven in silence all the way from home.
    â€œHold it there, boy,” Henry muttered again, bringing Ranger to a stop at the end of the sidewalk.
    Susanna