Free Always Beautiful by M.K Oien Page A

slowly. Once he touched my thigh, he grasped it and pulled it up higher on his waist as his body pressed firmly against me. My body was on fire, my heart was racing, and my mind was focused solely on Zeppelin and what he was doing to me. What I was doing to him and how never had I ever wanted anything as much as I wanted him in this moment.
    I wasn’t drunk, a little buzzed, but conscious enough that I was aware of exactly what I was doing. As I kissed Zeppelin, I began to think about what this could lead to. Obviously by the way he touched me, he wasn’t a virgin like I was. Could he tell that I was new to this? Should I tell him before we went any further? Suddenly I was a bundle of nerves and my body went from hot to ice-cold as I thought about the enormity of the situation. I had spent my life carefully planned and only moved according to that plan. This, him, was not part of that laid out path that I had wanted to take. Did that make what I was doing wrong?
    Even if Hannah was right and I should relax a little and lighten up, did that mean I had to sleep with the first guy I found myself attracted to since coming to Portland. Was my heart and head prepared to lose my virginity to a guy that I hardly knew, one that I could possibly never see again? My mind began to fill with doubts and reason and a long list of why I should stop Zeppelin right now. I pulled away from his amazing lips and turned my head. My hand came up to rest on my forehead. I tried to control my erratic breathing.
    Possibly sensing my reservations, Zeppelin immediately lifted himself off of me and sat up at the end of the bed. He dragged a hand through his hair and let out a shaky breath. I closed my eyes, trying to fight off the sting of tears beginning to pool in my eyes. I didn’t want to cry because of what Zeppelin and I were doing. I wanted to cry because I felt like I was hurting him. I didn’t want to hurt him or deny him anything. The fact that I was that compelled, after knowing him only a short time caused me to be more confused. I sighed and sat up slowly beside him, still catching my breath.
    “Lucky, you’re unlike anyone I have ever met.” Zeppelin’s voice broke through the silence of my dark room unexpectedly. I turned my head to glance at him. His head was lowered, his hands fisted as they rested atop his knees. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. I’m not going to pressure you into something that you’re not ready for.” His head lifted and he turned his blue eyes, appearing much darker and intense, toward me. “Do you understand that? I don’t want to cause you any pain.” His voice broke as he uttered those words. I nodded. “You know that I’m a virgin?” I asked.
    Zeppelin’s lips turned up on one side in a half smile. “Yeah, I can tell by the way your body responds to me. The way you tremble when I touch you, the noises you make when I kiss you.” He explained. One of his fists unclenched and he slid his hand to mine, running a finger across my skin. “I have no guarantees of tomorrow. I don’t know what the future holds Lucky. I do know that I like you and I want you.” I gasped at his declaration and felt my body begin to heat all over again.
    Swallowing the lump in my throat, I began to speak. “I like you too Zeppelin.” I sighed. “My life has been planned out for so long because I’ve known what I ultimately wanted. This living in the moment thing is weird to me.” I admitted. “I’m not sure it’s best for me to give myself away like this.” Zeppelin nodded in understanding and slipped his hand off of mine. Letting out a long breath, he stood from the bed. “Let’s get back out to the party. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior.” He glanced at me over his shoulder with a wide grin. I nodded and stood too. As much as I thought I wanted Zeppelin a few moments ago, I knew that it was best to try and be more cautious. I didn’t feel any better about what it was that