Free Tiddas by Anita Heiss

which she wished she could use with her racist clients. Her thoughts were completely focused on Izzy though, and how betrayed by the universe she felt at that moment. All the anger she had built up in disappointment, in frustration, in confusion about Spencer’s actions lately in relation to IVF had all brewed in an emotional pot that was going to bedumped right on Izzy’s shoulders in an unassuming café in Paddington.
    Xanthe put her hands palms down on the table as if to support her stance and give more air to her lungs. She leant over to Izzy’s side of the table. ‘Unfair is a woman, not just any woman, but a sistagirl – one of my best friends – who sits down casually in front of me on a Saturday morning and acts all blasé about something as significant and life-changing as being pregnant, when she knows full well I’m going insane because I can’t conceive!’ Xanthe’s temper was at boiling point; her heart was racing, her body was hot and her hands were shaking.
    Veronica put her arm around Xanthe’s shoulder in an attempt to calm the petite woman. Ellen looked on with concern while Nadine was deeply in Izzy’s corner.
    â€˜Jesus, Xanthe, this isn’t easy for me at all. Of course it’s life-changing, it’s my fucking life that’s changing.’ Izzy thought about the morning sickness, the cravings, the changes in her breasts. The fact that she couldn’t believe that she’d actually missed a period; since she was thirteen they had arrived like clockwork every twenty-eight days. ‘I’m not blasé at all. I’m distressed. I didn’t even want to tell you and now I wish I hadn’t.’
    â€˜I wish you hadn’t either,’ Xanthe said, now quietly crying. ‘Haven’t you heard a thing I’ve said this morning, or the last few months?’ Xanthe wiped the tears that spilled down her cheeks, and Veronica’s eyes began to well again.
    â€˜Christ, Xanthe, not everything is about you! ’ Nadine’s third Bloody Mary was now talking; she even took hersunglasses off in an attempt to give Xanthe a red eyeballing. ‘This is about Izzy right now. Is she supposed to calculate her sex life like you do? For fuck’s sake, leave her alone.’ Nadine and Izzy may not have seen eye to eye on everything but she was fiercely loyal when it came to family, and she wasn’t going to let Izzy get pummelled, especially when she was obviously in a fragile state.
    â€˜It’s fine,’ Izzy said softly, touching Nadine’s arm in thanks for the show of back up. She looked over at Xanthe. ‘I’ve heard everything you’ve said,’ she said gently, ‘every detail about how often you have to have sex, the dates you’re ovulating, all the herbal remedies you’ve been advised to take, the names you’re already thinking about, how you want to buy a bigger house and may have to try IVF.’ Izzy couldn’t believe how much she’d actually mentally recorded about Xanthe’s pregnancy woes. ‘Yes, I’ve heard everything. I know you want to have a baby, and I’m truly sorry that you can’t, and I’m sorry that I am pregnant and you aren’t.’ Izzy started crying. ‘Mostly I am sorry that I am pregnant and that I am feeling completely overwhelmed.’
    Silence fell heavily again. Xanthe was weeping, Veronica was wiping away tears. Izzy was distraught and coughing to camouflage her own crying. Nadine was angry with Xanthe. It was up to Ellen to do her best to change the mood, again.
    â€˜It’s Easter Saturday, you all need to stop fucking crying. Jesus is rising tomorrow, it’s supposed to be a joyful and happy occasion and the Lord won’t have time for you sooks!’ None of them was overly religious or celebrated Easter in its traditional sense, so Ellen’s words fell like a lead balloon. ‘And I