Free Twice Loved by Mari Brown Page B

one.
    I take a phone call from Pam while I wait she fills me in on a horrible date she had. It was so bad she came home early faking menstrual cramps. I love my friends! We talk for another thirty minutes and I realize the night is slowly fading away. I can't complain too much Tate has now taken his shirt off and I have some delicious eye candy. I watch as sweat drips down his pecs. I lick my bottom lip wishing it was his chest instead. I squirm in my seat again. It's time for a distraction of some sort I can't keep on this way or I'll end up in the bathroom finger fucking myself.
    I jump up like I have been shot at that. I walk into the cool night. It's like a breath of fresh air. It soothes me and relaxes the tension. I honestly don't know why Tate has this effect on me but he does. Blaring sirens distract me. Red and white lights flashing as they race by.
    Tate had my mind all kinds of fucked up. Then, now, and forever. Why can’t I just face there is no future in a relationship with Tate. Or one that I could live with anyway. I want a man devoted to me. A man who only wants me and makes me his world. Not one who spreads himself around like he’s fairy dust.
    Tate claims to want to be that man but his track record shows he can’t be. He’s never been faithful in any relationship. He has tried, but it just doesn’t work for him. Maybe it’s his fucked up childhood. Or is it because he’s a selfish bastard and only cares about himself, but damn it I love that man!
    It frustrates me every time I think about it. How I can have such mixed emotions is beyond me. One moment I am okay with the poly relationship. He has LuAnn, I have Steve. The next I want him all to myself. I don’t want to share him with anyone. I’m a selfish bitch and don’t want to give up Steve for Tate. I may not love Steve like I did when we were in younger or when he was healthy but I will always love him. I wouldn’t leave him either, it was until death do us part.
    Tate is the man that gets my motor running though. Just thinking about him makes my heart skip a beat. A smile will creep on my face without me even realizing it. He makes me happy even when we are fighting or pissed off with one another.
    “You have to leave!”
    “Um excuse me?”
    I ask Tate not sure why he is talking to me like a two year old right now. “LuAnn is on her way here and I couldn’t stop her.”
    “Seriously? Unbelievable!” I’m pissed that once again this bitch is ruining my time with Tate.
    Fuck it pisses me off that when he’s with her I have to respect that we can’t text or talk to one another so she doesn’t catch on to what he is doing but why can’t I get the same fucking respect.
    “What the fuck ever… have a nice night asshole!” I grab my keys off the counter swing my purse over my shoulder and storm out of the garage. Tate is calling after me
    “I’d rather be with you.”
    “Whatever asshole!” I slam my car door.
    It makes me feel somewhat better to take my aggression out on something. This is another case of being irrational. I knew what I signed up for with Tate. We took our relationship to a level it was never meant to be. When the L word comes up it’s a big deal to me. I guess a part of me needed to believe him. To believe that a man loved me because I was losing Steve there was no denying it. Was I just looking for the replacement the one who would keep me from being lonely? Is that why I latched on to Tate so hard and fast?
    “I think you should do what feels right to you.” Haley is tapping her fingers on my kitchen counter as she talks to me, bringing me back to the present. “Stop worrying about what everyone else thinks about you being with Tate. What do you want? What does he want?”
    “Haley, he may or may not be rid of LuAnn and had a woman at this place the other night before he was at the bar.”
    “Tate is always seeing someone. I don’t know why he calls it that its more he just fucks them until he grows