Free Full Frontal Fiction by Jack Murnighan Page B

again. So go ahead and buy me a bus ticket, and tell me when to be on it. If you don’t mind driving me to those dealer guys’ place, that’d be cool, since I’m not going to have wheels. I won’t get you involved. You can just wait in the car. Anyway, I’m sorry about the shit on the phone. I was just jonesing, but a guy up here traded me dope for my ass, so it’s cool. He said he had a really good time with me, so you don’t have to worry about being disappointed with how I look now, if you’re worried about that. Don’t stop believing in me, Dennis. It was just a bad day. Thank you.
    Gregg
    Dear Dennis,
    I guess you know by now that I didn’t make it down there. I tried to call you, but either you don’t want to talk to me or you’re out of town or something. I fucked up, okay? What do you expect? That’s why I want to come down there and see you, because I’m a fucking mess on my own. I’ll do whatever you say. If you send me another ticket, I won’t sell it. I swear on my life. Please write me back. I love you. Do you know how hard it is for me to say that?
    Gregg
    Dennis,
    Your letter got me really pissed off. I wasn’t going to write you back, but I thought about it, and I feel like I don’t have a choice. I’ve really, really fucked things up here, not that you give a shit obviously. So yeah, whatever you fucking want. I’m just worried you don’t love me anymore, because you haven’t written that in a while, and that’s all I’ve got to live for right now. So if you could just tell me that you do, that would be cool. I’ll probably come anyway, but that would help, because I am kind of scared. You’re getting pretty heavy on me, and I don’t really have a problem with that, but the whole thing for me is that you love me, and if you don’t anymore, then I don’t know what the fuck to do. If you love me, I’ll do fucking anything you want, don’t you know that? I fucking swear. I don’t know what you want me to say about your rules. I feel like I don’t know what answers you expect, and I’m bad when I don’t know what people want, because I always make the wrong decision, if it’s up to me, but I guess you’re saying I have to answer or you won’t bring me down there and give me money and all that, so here you go. (1) Fine with you making a reservation so I won’t be able to sell the ticket. I won’t even get off the bus to take a shit, okay? The thing is, I don’t have any ID except for fake ID, so make the reservation or ticket or whatever for James Ravell. It’s a long story. (2) I think I answered that. (3) I think it’s really unfair of you to ask me that, because you know how hard it is for me. I told you I love you. All I can say is that the only person I’ve said that about is my daughter. You make me feel like I’m important. I’d be upset if you were dead. If someone fucked you over, I’d fuck them over. I’ve jacked off thinking about you holding me in your arms and telling me the kinds of things you said in your letters a while back. I don’t know what else to say. I’m going to come down there and be with you even though it scares the shit out of me, and part of me is worried you’re going to kill me. I mean, I’m not really worried, but you know what I mean. That’s a big fucking sacrifice on my part, so I guess that must mean I love you. (4) The heroin deal’s not going to happen now probably, because I sort of fucked it all up, so you don’t have to worry about that. (5) I ask myself that question every fucking day. I don’t think I’m worth shit. You’re the one who thinks I’m so great. So I don’t know how to answer that question, because it seems like a trick question to me, but then I can be really paranoid. I’m worth all this shit because I’m your