Free KIN by Kealan Patrick Burke

enough to offer it, and so there his imagination would falter and the loneliness would rush in like cold water through holes in a sinking ship. But there were always dreams, and in dreams she never left him, was still here cooking mouth-watering food for them, singing with that beautiful voice of hers, and messing around with Pa, who would scowl and look irritated but only because he was struggling not to smile.
    It had been a long time since Pete had seen his Pa smile about anything, and he often wondered how much of that was his fault. He knew because he wasn't all that smart, he wasn't likely to ever get the kind of job that could give his Pa and him a better life. He wasn't ever going to be mayor or President or an astronaut like his second Ma had told him he could. She'd said he could be anything he wanted, just like she aimed someday to be a famous singer, but he knew that wasn't true now, and Pa knew it too, even said as much when he'd had a few days drinking under his belt and didn't seem to know what he was saying, or that he was saying it out loud. Coulda been somethin' boy. Coulda been a real man, but you ain't never gonna amount to nothin' more than a farmboy with cowshit on your shoes and straw in your head, standin' at that door waitin for somethin' better to come along that ain't never comin'. Not for you, boy, and sure as hell not for me . Pete would listen carefully to his father's words, and feel the pain that came with them, but told himself Pa was only saying those things out of disappointment and anger, and because it was better to throw mean words at the boy than at his own reflection in the mirror. Pa had wanted a better life too, but as soon as second Ma walked out, bound for Detroit with some man Pete had only seen once, and that by accident, the old man had given up hoping for a future. He had given up, period. The woman he'd loved had left him here with a son that wasn't of his own blood, a dying farm, and plenty of time to sit and drink and wonder why she'd given up on them.
    "I reckon I am," his father said, in such a low voice that Pete had to strain to hear it, and even then he had to struggle to remember the question his father was answering. His thoughts had set him adrift from their conversation and now he had to search quickly for the thread. He found it as he watched the old man raise the bottle of whiskey and study the remaining dregs.
    Pa was afraid, and as it was a state Pete seldom, if ever, saw in him, it had the effect of galvanizing his own discomfort. He stood, shoving the chair back with his knees, and came around the table to stand beside his father. "What's wrong?" he asked.
    The old man lowered the bottle, but kept his eyes on it as he spoke. "I don't reckon I did much of a job by you," he said. "Don't reckon I could even if I tried. My own Pa wasn't much of a man neither, and never treated me right, though I don't expect that's much of an excuse."
    Hearing his father talk of such things disturbed Pete more than the odd silence and the sudden sense that their house had shrunk around them, but he shrugged and forced a smile.
    "S'okay, Pa. Don't nobody know the right way to do everythin'."
    His father considered this. "Maybe that's true, but there ain't no excuse for not tryin'."
    "You did try," Pete told him. "You looked after me pretty good. I ain't wantin' for nothin'."
    A small bitter smile twisted his father's lips. "You wantin' for plenty, boy. Some of that I can't do nothin' about. Some, I reckon I could've fixed."
    Pete frowned. "Well...it ain't too late, Pa. We got time."
    At that, the weak smile vanished from his father's face. His eyes widened as he glanced from the bottle back to the door. "That's the trouble, son. I got a feelin' we don't."
     
     
    *
     
    He had promised himself he wouldn't scare the boy, but after a good deal of thought and a great deal of whiskey, Jack had realized there was no way around it. If the Merrill clan were coming, better Pete know, so he