Free How I Stole Johnny Depp's Alien Girlfriend by Gary Ghislain

She turns to me and sighs. “Poor Frog. I wish I could afford you. I’d take you with me.”
    And without further ado, she moves directly into Mom’s room to see what couture she can snatch.
    â€œNo no no no no! You can’t go in there.”
    â€œChill out, Frog. I’m just checking what’s new in the queen’s closet.”
    She crosses Mom’s room with the grace and velocity of a fashionable missile and enters the walk-in closet. She ignores the regular designer items and goes straight for the extraexpensive stuff. “Is that Saint Laurent?”
    She zeroes in on the YSL piece and holds it against her. “Oh ho. We likey !”
    â€œJust put the dress back, please. Look, I need something from you for a change.”
    â€œSomething from me? Do you need drugs? I can hook you up with some really good people.”
    â€œNo. No drugs.”
    â€œI get it.” She gives me this sidelong look. “ Froooog! ”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œDo you really think you’re ready?”
    â€œReady for what?”
    â€œLosing your virginity, silly.”
    Oh boy!
    â€œIt’s a bit yakky, since we’re practically brother and sister, but I’m honored you thought of me.”
    I sit down on the bed and hide my face in my hands. I don’t know how she does it. She always drains the energy right out of me. “Will you just listen? It’s not drugs. It’s not that. And it’s not money.”
    â€œGood. About the money. Because I was about to ask if you can lend me some. I’m totally broke!” She laughs.
    â€œDo you know Johnny Depp?”
    â€œJohnny?”
    I nod. She drops the Saint Laurent dress on the floor and goes back to browsing through Mom’s collection.
    â€œOf course. Johnny and I are, like, totally best pals!”
    She removes five or six layers of her clothes to try on one of Mom’s tops.
    â€œDo you know where I can find him? Like, where he lives?”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œBecause.”
    â€œYou tell me why, I tell you where.”
    â€œBecause…I’m a big fan. ”
    She puts on the top and pauses in front of the floor-to-ceiling mirror. “What do you think?”
    â€œTake it off. Put it back on the rack. Tell me where to find him.”
    â€œI can get you his autograph if that’s what you want. But it’ll cost you.”
    â€œI need to see him in person.”
    She takes off her boots to try Mom’s new stilettos. “Why do you need to see him?”
    â€œI told you, I’m a big fan.”
    â€œI don’t believe you. You blush when you lie.”
    â€œPlease! Just tell me.”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œTell him immediately, Earthling! Or be ready to suffer at my hands.”
    Oh God! We both turn to Zelda—she’s standing right there behind us in the corridor. A strong draft comes from nowhere and blows back her coat and hair. Her fists are firmly locked on her hips, and her black leather knee-high boots shine in the sunlight. She looks exactly like a Supergirl about to kick some ass.
    â€œMan! Is that your mom’s Paco Rabanne swimsuit this girl’s wearing?”

9
EXPIRATION: 35 HOURS

    â€œW here did you find her, Frog?” Malou comes out of the kitchen with a can of Mom’s beluga caviar and a spoon. So much excitement has sparked her appetite.
    â€œShe’s Dad’s patient. Was.” The way I mumble, I wonder if any-one can hear me.
    â€œNo way!” Malou’s laughing. She finds us very amusing—Zelda, in her Paco Rabanne swimsuit, standing in the middle of the living room, and me beside her, blushing with all my might. “Your face was all over TV this morning,” she tells Zelda. “Everyone’s looking for you. And here you are with Frog, playing Spacegirl and the Little Boy.” She puts a large spoonful of caviar in her mouth and frowns. “Why the Spacegirl act? Is it like a