Free Blue Coyote Motel by Dianne Harman

result of some barroom brawl. No, there were few, if any, resemblances between the two men. Certainly nothing that would make one think they were father and son. Sam thought that after he left the reservation and went away to school, when he didn't have to see Joe on a daily basis, his anger and hatred would lessen. It hadn't.
    It was no secret on the reservation that Sam had anger issues. He had a history of numerous schoolyard fights, causing him to be expelled several times. The pattern was always the same. Susie would go to the school, cry, and tell the principal that there had been some problems at home that were causing the outbursts at school and the principal would relent, once again allowing Sam back in school. The school didn't have many students as bright as Sam.
    As he got older, the fights and anger came out in different ways. Although alcohol was not sold on the reservation, there was a tavern just outside the reservation that had seen Sam in many a barroom brawl. Every time Sam won. When questioned by Susie, he would tell her that the other person had started it, that it was someone else's fault. Sam really believed that he was just a victim; that others were always out to get him. The Tribal Elders wanted Sam to be successful as much as Strong Medicine did, but they were becoming increasingly concerned about his anger issues.
    This time, when Sam returned to the reservation from a break in his residency, it was pretty apparent to everyone on the reservation that he better get his anger in check if he was ever going to be an effective doctor. Once again, Sam had gotten into a barroom brawl. Sam still blamed his relationship with Joe as the reason he was angry all the time. He was glad that Strong Medicine had told him the truth about Joe. Sam was relieved to know he wasn't Joe's son and if he wasn't Joe's son, maybe he could begin to control his anger.
    One day, during his brief return to the reservation, Strong Medicine asked Sam to meet with him. "Little Bear, it is time for you to join other tribal members in our sacred sweat lodge. You must get rid of the anger you are carrying that's poisoning your mind. Spending time in the sweat lodge with your tribal brothers will cleanse your mind and spirit. It is part of the 'old ways,' but it will help rid your mind of your anger and hatred."
    Somewhat reluctantly, Sam agreed to meet Strong Medicine and some of the other tribal members at the sweat lodge before he went back to the hospital where he was completing his pediatric residency.
    Sam wished he could change his Native American name, Little Bear. When Joe had married his mother and Sam had been born, Joe had named him. Sam didn't want any connection to the man, but he was stuck with the name. It grated on him every time someone used it.
    As requested, he had met Strong Medicine and a few other tribal members at the sweat lodge. It had been a horrible experience and he had disgraced himself and Strong Medicine. The heat was worse than anything he had ever experienced. When the talking stick was passed to him, he spoke too little and too fast. The others spent a long time talking. Didn't they feel the heat? Sam wanted to scream at them to shut up. He had to escape the heat and the sweat streaming down his body. Maybe this was the purification that Strong Medicine talked about, but he felt like he was going to faint. Maybe he wasn't the man Strong Medicine thought he was but at this point, he didn't care. All he could think about was how he could escape from the overwhelming heat in the sweat lodge. He knew that from time to time people had died at sweat lodges and he didn't want to be the next fatality. Finally, unable to bear the heat any longer, he crawled towards the flap.
    Sam could see the disappointment on Strong Medicine's face as he pulled the flap of the hogan open and stumbled into the cool night air. He was ashamed that he had been the only one to leave the all-consuming heat of the sweat lodge.