Free When You Least Expect It by Sandra Leiper

this time.
               “WHAT?”  Ray was yelling now, too.  “We haven’t slept in the same bed, much less together, for years Carrie.  Don’t try to conveniently forget that.  This marriage has been a farce for a long time now.  Maybe we should sit down and finally admit it to ourselves and decide what we’re going to do about it.”
               Ray relived this scene over and over in his mind.  It could have been the ending point of his marriage.  Isn’t that what he wanted?  Isn’t that what he’d told Amanda?  Carrie had backed down at this point of the conversation, and Ray had let her.  He wasn’t ready for the ‘final scene’.  He felt like such a heel.  Maybe he wasn’t as sure of what he wanted as he’d thought.  Wouldn’t he have pushed Carrie to admit how horrible their marriage was?  Hadn’t this been the best segue to let Carrie know how he felt?  It had been the perfect time.  Why did he chicken out? 
    ~~~
     
             After a very tearful goodbye in Tucson, Amanda, Elisa and Alexander were on their way home.  They’d had a great time with Blossom, Julio and the boys.  Amanda wished they had spent more time with them, but unfortunately they had to get back to reality.
              Not long after getting home, Amanda turned on the computer to check her email.  There was an email from Ray with the subject line that read “Welcome home”.  She thought that was so sweet.  She opened it, smiling from ear to ear.
                  Hey Amanda…welcome home.  I hope your trip went well.  I missed you sooo much.  As you know, I’m off to the shore today.  I wish our paths had crossed long enough for me to talk to you, but I’ll call you in a day or so.  Thanks for the letter you sent me, but the bad news is…Carrie read it.  I’ll have to tell you all about it when I call you. Don’t worry though, nothing drastic happened, it was just a very ugly scene.
            I’ve thought about our last conversation every day since you left.  I meant every word of it, Mandy.  Things at my house are so complicated right now, I’m sorry for that.  I just want you to know, and believe, you are the bright spot in my life.
    I’ll talk to you soon.
    Love, Ray
    P.S.  Yes!  I want to exchange pictures. Although I know you must be beautiful, I hope you’re not too put off by what you might see on this end.  Here’s a hint: have you seen STAR WARS? (Lol)
                  Amanda sat and stared at her computer for a very long time.  She couldn’t understand how she’d let this get to this point.  Everyone could see this but her.  No matter how she tried to disguise it, she was interfering in someone’s marriage.  She inadvertently had hurt Carrie.  She’d been on the losing end of adultery before.  She knew how it hurt, how belittling it was. 
    Is Carrie now wondering who she was?  Wondering if Ray is an adulterer? Is she trying to figure out what she’d done wrong?  Amanda was beside herself.  Even if Ray and Carrie have a loveless marriage, the fact remained…they’re married.  She had no right to be involved.  She was the salt on an open wound.  She was kidding herself thinking she was just a friend to Ray.  Although they’d never met, nor had plans to meet, she knew she was the ‘other woman’ in Ray’s mind and heart. 
                  Her heart sank heavily into her chest. She realized that no matter what she felt about Ray, she had to end it.  She turned off her computer.  She sat in the darkness of her bedroom and felt more alone than she ever had.