Free Candy by K.M. Liss

CANDY

     
    I poke my arm
out of the duvet quickly, strike at the snooze button, and then
snuggle back down for the third time.
    Lazily, I open
my eyes and look out of my low bedroom window.
    The blinds are
raised. I like it that way.
    There are
fields and trees outside, and it's a nice view from my bed.
    I can see the
trees waving around in the wind.
    It was a
rotten summer, now it's an even worse autumn. Wet, blustery and
damn cold. It's only the middle of October and it was a measly five
degrees yesterday. The coldest October for fifty three years or
something.
    I really don't
want to, but I force my protesting body out of bed and drag my
comfy, black boy-shorts and skinny jeans on.
    I sit on the
bed yawning and shivering with the cold. Goosebumps are breaking
out all over me.
    Is there any worse experience than getting out of a lovely,
warm, comfortable bed on a cold morning?
    If there is I
haven't found it yet.
    I'm not a
morning girl.
    Never have
been.
    But lately
it's been a nightmare getting up. I feel dreadful, so sluggish and
sickly. And my head throbs every morning, like I've been on the
booze all night.
    I seem be
turning into a nocturnal creature, because I'm at my best of an
evening and night. I can't get to sleep until two or three
sometimes. And that's very inconvenient as I have to be up at seven
thirty to get to class. I'm so knackered by four I nod off when I
get home in the afternoons.
    I huff out a
sigh of annoyance as I sort through my undies drawer and can't find
my black bra. Then I remember it's in the wash basket. I go out to
the landing and retrieve it. One more day ain't gonna matter.
    I get my dark
red T-shirt out, and, after spraying myself liberally with Linx for
girls, I get dressed. I don't know why I bother smelling nice
really, no one's gonna get that close enough to me to appreciate it
today. Or any day, in fact. I'm billy-no-mates. No friends and even
worse, no boyfriends.
    It's not
because I'm bad looking and I don't ever smell bad. I'm kinda
fastidiously clean.
    And I know
I've got a nice face, a decent figure and a good sized pair of
tits.
    Yeah, I'm
pretty sure I'm attractive to the opposite sex in that sense. I've
seem them looking. A lot. Even the extra hot ones have given me the
real once over. And I'd love to have a boyfriend, in truth. There's
one I'd particularly like to have.
    But I
can't.
    So I make sure
I'm unappealing in other ways, to put guys off; by being
standoffish, rude, unapproachable. I'm not to be fucked with.
Literally.
    Sadly, I can't
let closeness happen, just in case.
    My body is as
pure as the driven snow, untouched by man. Well, maybe not that
pure and untouched. I have my own private moments. But at eighteen,
I'm a virgin, in the true sense of the word.
    It's so not
fair, I'm probably the only one in my class! I guess I could die
one, unless things change.
    The reason I
don't and can't get close, is because I want more than they are
offering.
    I don't want
to fool around and end up in someone's bed.
    Because I know
I'll want their blood.
    The air is
full of it. Human blood. Like a blood fog invading my nose and
lungs.
    I can just
about hold things together sometimes.
    My distraction
techniques are all I have to fight it. Strong mints, gum, pinching
myself, things like that.
    And I avoid
the cafeteria and the library, all the melting pots, the gathering
places for people.
    The only place
I can't avoid is the classroom itself.
    Lately it's
been so hard I just can't concentrate on the lessons any more.
    My head and
nostrils are ringing with blood noise. Like tinnitus of the
nose.
    I can block it
out for small periods of time, and if there's only one or two
people around it's fine if they're at arms length. But masses of
people around me are becoming unbearable.
    And close
contact is a big no.
    It's so sad,
but I can't hug my mum and dad anymore...or anyone. My rising
reaction warns me not to.
    I pull on my
socks and my converse trainers, grab my books and