Free The Kiss Test by Shannon McKelden

thought it was a waste. And, when I found that elusive Elvis piece on eBay and secured it for my collection, I’d know I was verifying yet again for Kevin that I was beneath him.
    I didn’t feel beneath Kevin. I had enough self-esteem to realize Kevin wasn’t better than me, no matter our difference in careers or interests or opinions on marriage.
    Even if I didn’t believe it, Kevin did, and I couldn’t stand knowing that.
    I felt like I was seeing him for the first time. For all his polished good looks, I really didn’t know him. He’d “kept” me under false pretences. If he didn’t care about me for who I was, then he didn’t really care. No matter what trite little words he threw at me when the mood struck.
    “No, Kevin, I won’t compromise.” I squared my shoulders to show it didn’t bother me. I knew what was coming. “I don’t want to get married. To you or anyone else.”
    “That’s what I thought.”
    “You don’t want to marry me anyway, Kevin. Why would you want to marry someone ‘childish and juvenile,’ and—what was it?—‘sophomoric’?”
    “You could change if you really wanted to.”
    “So could you. But, I’d never ask you to.”
    I turned to leave his office. There’d be no compromise. The hurtful words had been said.
    “Margo.”
    I turned at the door.
    “I’d like you out of the apartment by Friday. Maybe you can get the renters to give you your apartment back. That is why you kept it after all, isn’t it?”
    I didn’t dignify his pout with an answer. It didn’t matter that he was right.
    ***
    The next day I started apartment hunting. Staying with my brother was an option. If I could convince him to give up his hermit-like existence, his spare room would probably hold me and my stuff at least for a while. I was leaving for my much-needed, much-deserved trip/escape in just over a week, so he’d only have to put up with me until then, and then I wouldn’t be back until nearly the end of July. By then, maybe my renters could find a new apartment.
    It felt weird that I had no place to live. At least not any place that included a man. I could deal with living alone. It was just an odd feeling. When you’re used to always having someone there, whether you’re doing your own thing or not, it’s strange to suddenly think there’s no one wondering where you are, waiting up for you. I wondered if that’s how my mom felt, what made her hop from marriage to marriage to marriage, with barely a breather in between. Which had sucked for Rob and me. Our own father was completely absent from our lives after a while, and every time we’d get used to a new stepdad, every time we’d start to like him or get attached, things would get rocky and then he’d be gone, too. Mom didn’t seem to care—or even notice—the effect this had on us. She was too busy wallowing in depression, until the switch flipped and she became obsessively focused on finding the next man to take care of her.
    All the more reason for me to suck it up and learn to deal. No way was I going to be like her. Whether Kevin understood it or not, I couldn’t be needy just because it made him feel better. I would live by myself and like it.
    Hopefully, I wouldn’t start talking to Elvis for company. At least not any more than I talked to him already.
    Maybe I’d get a cat. I’d miss Checks, but I sure as heck wasn’t in any hurry to find another man. Sex notwithstanding, I figured I could do without the aggravation of feeling like I was being clear about my intentions, only to find out later the guy didn’t take me at my word.
    Lance hadn’t taken my word for it when I said I didn’t do marriage. Neither had Kevin. (Terrance, apparently, had a bit of trouble with the definitions of monogamy and marriage and thought they were interchangeable). So, maybe, after getting used to it, I’d realize being man-less was safer. Katya had recommended a good place to buy a vibrator, anyway. At least I wouldn’t