Free Trusting Fate by H. M. Waitrovich

out I am not Theo ’ s father that I will not want to donate, but the truth is, I am in love with Gabby and I want to be in Theo ’ s life even if I don't turn out to be his true father. Being with Gabby is like coming up for air when I have been struggling to breathe for so many years. Like my lungs would not work without her and I am not prepared to lose her and feel that way. We had been sitting there for hours, waiting for the next set of results that could forever change all of us. I looked over to Gabby, who had not said more than two words to me in days. I could not tell if she was mad or just hurting, but I think that it is a little bit of both.
    “ Gabby I just wanted to thank you for letting me be here and be involved in all of this. I know that the circumstances are not great, but I want you to know that I want to be here. I want to be in your lives, regardless of what that DNA test says, ” I said trying to get my point across.
    She smiled and said, “ Thank you, Jace, I really appreciate you being here and doing what you are doing. You know, most men would not do anything like this, so I do appreciate it. ”
    I could see the hurt behind her smile and I knew that not only am I part of what put it there, but also that there is most likely nothing that I can do to make it go away.
    Gabby had been through a lot in her short years on this planet and I did not want to contribute to anymore pain for her. I did not care what she did in her past, I just want to be in her present and hoped to have a spot in her future.
    “ Gabby, please talk to me. Aside from everything going on with Theo, what is it that is bothering you? What can I do to make things right between us? ” I asked.
    She looked at me, but it was as if her eyes looked right past mine and into my soul. I sounded like a complete idiot, but I didn ’ t care. I loved her and nothing that I said would ever make sense again.
    “ I … I am just so angry, Jace. I worked really hard to get to where I am at today, I fought for Theo and myself to have as normal of a life as possible. I wanted to leave my past behind me. I feel like now my past and my present are colliding and there is nothing that I can do about it. I am angry with myself for not remembering the night that I got pregnant with him and for not being a better person, ” she said, and I could see the tears forming in her eyes.
    “ Gabby you cannot live in your past forever. You have to let go of what happened. You are not a kid anymore and you have made a wonderful life for you and Theo. You should be proud of the mother that you are and the person that you became because of him. I would be lying if I said I was not upset that you cannot remember me, because I could never forget you. But I also know that whatever you used to do with your time involved a lot more things that I was not into. So I am happy that you changed. And if you ask me, I might even love you more now than I did that night I met you, ” I said without realizing it. Crap this is really going to freak her out. She looked at me with tears in her eyes; shocked, angry or happy, I could not tell.
    “ Jace I want more than anything to be able to remember the night that you say we shared, and don ’ t get me wrong, I believe you because I used to drink so heavily that I could not remember most nights and my memory has yet to come back. I slept with so many men from the age of fifteen until I got pregnant with Theo, and I am so ashamed of myself. My best friend Taylor and I made a lifestyle of partying and I loved it. My parents are very religious and I grew up going to church and went to bible study camps in the summer. They were strict and I rebelled ̵ Tay and I both. Our parents went to the same church and had all of the same beliefs. Her parents were worse than mine though. Her father wanted to arrange a marriage for her, which is just ridiculous. After we graduated, we moved and came here. I was rebellious and slept around in