Free Wushu Were Here by Jon Scieszka

CHAPTER 1
    â€œS o you are afraid to fight? Perhaps you fear that you are not strong enough?” a voice said.
    Anna, Fred, and I peeked out from the skinny bamboo trees we were hiding behind. In a small clearing we saw two angry-looking guys dressed in ancient-looking Chinese robes. They were both holding wooden fighting staffs and looked ready to rumble.
    â€œNot strong enough?” the second guy replied. “I’ll show you strength. HEEYAAH! ”
    He swung his fighting staff at angry guy number one. The end of the staff smacked intothe ground with a thud. Angry guy number one had vanished into thin air.
    Suddenly he reappeared right beside angry guy number two.
    â€œ AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! ” Angry Two screamed as if he’d seen a ghost. He dropped his staff and fled in shock.
    â€œGo to your village!” Angry One yelled. “Send me your best fighters and I will test their strength.”

    Then he picked up the other staff on the ground. He looked a little disappointed that the fight hadn’t lasted longer.
    â€œIs there no one in China who is up to the task?” he said to no one in particular. He tossed Angry Two’s staff into the air, sending it flying in Fred’s direction.
    â€œOw! Hey!” Fred yelled. “It’s raining weapons.” He picked up the staff that had just smacked him on the head. “Hey, Joe,” he said, showing it to me. “Look at this cool fighting staff!”
    Fred swung the staff wildly and struck his best kung fu pose.
    â€œMaybe you should put that down,” Anna suggested.
    I gave Anna a look. It was her fault we were in this mess—stuck in the middle of a forest in ancient China with Fred waving a weapon and an angry Chinese warrior guy five feet away.
    â€œThis is all because you went digging in my things,” I said.
    â€œWell, I wouldn’t have dug,” Anna said, “if you’d just told me what wushu is.”
    â€œSilence!” a voice screamed.
    Angry One had spotted us. “You,” he said, looking at Fred. “You will go first.”
    Fred looked at his staff and then back at the angry guy who was now in a fighting stance. “Something tells me we’re not playing stickball,” Fred said.
    Angry One pulled his knee into his chest and then slid in Fred’s direction. Fred ducked. Anna and I dived back toward our bamboo hiding place.
    Fred tried to stand up, but suddenly Angry One was an inch from his face.
    â€œWha…?” Fred cried.
    â€œYou are fast, my friend,” Angry One said. “But not fast enough.”
    â€œ KYAAAAAAH! ” He whipped his staff at Fred, who fell to the ground.
    Anna and I ran to Fred. “Are you okay?” I asked.
    No reply. Fred wasn’t moving.
    â€œWake up!” Anna cried.
    Angry One looked down at us with an evil stare. “I have finished off your friend,” he said. “Who is next?”

CHAPTER 2
    P oor Fred. He never saw it coming. I blame it all on that kung fu movie….
    We were back in Brooklyn hanging out in my room, watching a movie about these two guys from seventh-century China, Li Shimin and Wang.
    â€œI knew you were behind this, Wang.”
    â€œWhere are your monks when you need them, Li Shimin?”
    See, Li Shimin was the good guy who’d been kidnapped by Wang, the bad guy. Now Li Shimin’s thirteen monk friends were goingto take on Wang’s entire army to get their pal back. But at the moment, Li Shimin and Wang were going to duke it out man-to-man.
    They both raised their fighting staffs.
    â€œAwesome!” Fred said. “Time for an old-fashioned booty-whoopin’, kung fu–style.”
    Li Shimin and Wang slid carefully around each other like two cobras waiting to strike.
    Suddenly… whap , whap . The staffs slammed into each other. They battled back and forth for a few minutes.
    Then Wang landed a real whammy. Li Shimin was about to crumple.