Free You Had Me at Hello by Mhairi McFarlane

side.
    This is it. I’m leaving.
And there was nothing to mark it. Not so much as a significant look passed between Rhys and I. Maybe this is how it always is. It feels like something more formal should be required: an official handshake, a splitting up ceremony, a certificate. As Rhys said, is this all it’s worth, after thirteen years?

12
    Caroline eventually breaks the waterlogged silence in the front of the Audi.
    â€˜I was wrong about buying straight away. Maybe Mindy is right and this … interlude is exactly what you need.’
    â€˜Thanks. I thought you were saying Mindy’s judgement is dubious?’
    â€˜Not always.’
    I know they’ll have discussed me, worried about me, and there’s a question that I can’t put off asking any longer.
    â€˜Do you all think I’m making a massive mistake?’
    There’s a tense pause.
    â€˜There isn’t an “all”…’
    â€˜Oh, God.’ I put a hand over my face. ‘Three different types of disapproval.’
    â€˜It’s not disapproval, you’re thirty-one. It’s not for us or anyone else to say what’s right for you. I suppose I was surprised you didn’t mention any problems before, that’s all.’
    â€˜I didn’t want to talk behind Rhys’s back. I wasn’t sure how I felt, truth be told. I was being carried along by the wedding planning and then he was being a shit about it and it came tumbling out and there it was.’
    â€˜It wasn’t worth giving him a shape-up-or-ship-out? You never put your foot down enough, in my opinion, and it might’ve led to … laziness.’
    â€˜I did try suggesting a counsellor or whatever. He wasn’t interested.’
    â€˜I doubt he wanted to lose you. He’s stubborn …’
    â€˜You can’t ask someone not to be who they are. That’s where we were.’
    â€˜Couldn’t you … if you’d …’
    â€˜Caro, please. I can’t do this now. I will do soon, over wine, for hours. We can thrash the whole thing out until you’re sick of hearing about it. But not now.’
    â€˜Sorry.’
    â€˜It’s fine. Let’s talk about something else.’
    Hmm. Not sure when this ‘soon’ will arrive. I possibly want to wait until 2064 when she can put a data stick in her ear and download the information straight into her frontal cortex.
    Then on reckless impulse I add: ‘Oh, I saw Ben.’
    â€˜Ben? Ben from uni? Where? I thought you weren’t going to look him up? How was he?’
    I’m grateful that Caroline can only fix her eyes on me momentarily before she has to return them to the road.
    â€˜Uh, the library. I decided I wanted to learn Italian as part of the New Me, and there he was. We had a coffee. Seems well. Married.’
    Caroline snorts. ‘Hah! Well he was
bound
to be. Anyone as attractive and house-trainable as that gets snapped up mid-twenties, latest.’
    â€˜Anyone decent’s married by now?’
    Caroline realises what she’s said and grimaces. ‘No! I mean, men like him are. There are more good women than men, so supply and demand dictates his sort are long gone off the market.’
    â€˜Doesn’t bode well for my prospects in finding someone then.’
    Caroline is crunching the gears, and looks like an Egyptian terracotta head I once saw in the British Museum. ‘I didn’t mean … oh, you know …’
    â€˜Don’t worry,’ I say, ‘I agree with you. Ben was always going to be married, and maybe choices post-thirty aren’t great. The divorces are going to start soon, I’ll pick someone up on their second lap.’
    Caroline gives me a laugh that’s more grateful than amused. ‘You’ll be fine.’
    â€˜Mindy and Ivor are still single, and they’re normal and nice. Well, fairly normal.’
    â€˜Exactly!’
    I’m not feeling half as