Free Shattered Rose by T L Gray

couldn’t eat, could hardly sleep , and my stomach was in a perpetual state of nervous excitement.
    My schoolwork, on the other hand, was not fairing so well. I had somehow managed to keep a B in Statics, but in Thermodynamics, I was barely hanging on to a C.  I knew if I fell below a 3.5 GPA, I would be put on probation from my scholarship, which meant I had one semester to get my grades back up or lose it for good. I knew I should care, but I just didn’t. In fact, there wasn’t much in my life I did care about right now, except for Jake.
    I hadn’t run in over a week and got a stern talking to from my advisor about my lack of work-study hours. Even Cara was driving me crazy. It was like they were all bees flying around my head nagging me to give up the one thing in my life I cherished. I wasn’t going to do it!
    Jake brought out something in me I couldn’t explain. When I was around him, I felt like I took on his qualities. I was more outgoing, funny, and even flirtatious beyond my normal comfort zone. He made me adventurous and fearless, things I had never been in my life. Cara, as usual, was my incessant buzz kill.
    “I just don’t understand why it has to be ‘this you’ or the ‘old you.’ Why can’t you be both? Avery, you’ve worked hard for that scholarship and this opportunity. All summer long you talked about how much you loved it. I don’t understand how it could suddenly mean so little,” Cara lectured.
    “It still matters to me, Cara; it’s just not the only thing that matters to me any more. I have Jake now, and he makes me happy.”
    “Really, you have Jake. When’s the last time he’s taken you on a real date or anywhere in public for that matter? Avery, making out in the laundry room at your apartment complex does not make him a boyfriend.”
    I blushed at the memory that stirred. Me, sitting on the table reading, Jake sneaking up behind me, kissing my neck and pulling me into his arms. He made me feel sexy and beautiful. I felt like he wanted me, and the feeling was invigorating.
    “Cara, you just don’t understand,” I said, sighing.
    “I guess not,” she responded with equal resignation. After a long dramatic pause, Cara asked, “So, how is the eating?” I was taken back by her question, almost forgetting I had shared my deepest secret with her.
    “It’s great. In fact, I haven’t felt this good about myself in years.”
    “Avery, trading one obsession for another is not healing…it’s transference and it’s dangerous.”
    “Cara, I didn’t ask you to be my psychologist, nor did I confide in you so you could hound me every chance you got. I’m fine, so leave it alone!” I couldn’t remember the last time there was this much tension in our relationship.
    “I’m sorry,” I finally said after an awkward period of silence. “Let’s just talk later, ok?”  We said our goodbyes and hung up the phone, but my heart was heavy. I felt like I was losing my best friend.
    It seemed so unfair that I could find such happiness in one area of my life, while all the others seemed to be unraveling. Cara’s words bothered me, but I pushed them aside. Jake cared about me, and I wasn’t going to let her make me start to question that simple truth!

 
    “Lord, protect her as she navigates through life, bringing forth truths that are so often hidden in the shadows…”
     
     
     
    5. UNFORTUNATE TRUTHS
     
    “Ok, I’ve decided I’m done being angry with you. I miss you too much!” Issy announced as she stood at my door. I was once again attempting to figure out my Thermo homework, which was becoming more and more like a foreign language I could not understand.
    “I want you to come out with me tonight. You haven’t been out of this house in weeks , and people are starting to wonder what’s happened to you.” Her arms were folded like a spoiled child, and I smiled internally thinking of all the fun nights I had been having “staying in” with Jake. I hadn’t heard