me not to get it wet.
âItâs just like in Gremlins ,â Mom said excitedly on our cab ride home, trying to keep things upbeat despite our unresolved argument.
âI donât know what youâre talking about,â I said. I didnât want to offer her anything that could be construed as curiosity.
âOh, come on,â she said, reaching to slap my arm before remembering that it was now wrapped up in a plain vanilla cast. âYou know. That movie? They were these, like, cute, fuzzy little critter-guys , but if you got them wet or fed them after midnight or â I forget, there was some third rule â theyâd turn into gremlins. And they terrorized the city!â
âI still have no idea what youâre talking about,â I said.
âI think you might need a few more T3s to get yourself prepared,â she said, jabbing the little pharmacy bag of painkillers that lay between us on the carâs back seat.
âThe drugs for my broken freaking arm are not to be used to help you conjure some dumb movie that doesnât even exist,â I said, trying to sound as snooty and offended as I could, which was tough because I was so completely zonked and also I was still pretty stoned.
âThe dope fairy has a lot of rules, huh?â
âWhat does that even mean?â I said. âAre we going to finish what we started talking about back in the hospital, like, ever?â
âWe will, sweets,â she said, âof course. But I think youâve had enough for the night. Letâs just watch a movie and sort this stuff out later.â Sheâd totally read my mind, but I wasnât willing to give up the fight just yet.
âYou do know that this isnât how normal parents act, right?â I said.
âNo one in the history of the world has ever accused me of being a normal parent.â
âObviously.â I exhaled audibly and tried my best to let it go, just for the night. âAnd anyway, youâre totally making this movie up. Gremlins is not a thing. And itâs definitely not on Netflix.â
âThatâs it? Youâre finished with your attack on my child-rearing capabilities?â
âRearing?â I asked. âSince when have you reared anything?â But I stopped myself from going any further. Plus the word rear was sounding really weird in my mouth. âLook, Iâm exhausted, okay?â And I was. There were so many more things I wanted to say to her, even yell at her. But right then all I wanted to do was crawl into her bed and watch a movie on the laptop we share custody of. âIâll make it up to you tomorrow.â
âIâll bet.â She put her hand over mine on the back seat of the cab and held it there for almost a whole minute without speaking.
âBut I canât believe I never showed you Gremlins ! Itâs the best. The best. It was basically my all-time favourite movie growing up.â
âSo it was a stone age blockbuster? I hear their DVD players sucked.â
âThe ice age, actually. Their Blu-rays were surprisingly advanced.â
âOh yeah, chiselled out of snow and permafrost, right?â
âExactly. And Gremlins was the best of the icy best. Hmm, youâre sure itâs not on Netflix?â She raised her voice then, and called to the driver, âExcuse me, slight change of plans. Can you drop us off at 7-24 Video, please?â The worst-named place in town, which was also our regular. âItâs right at Fuller, just up here.â
Yes, my mom and I are probably the last people in the world who still rent movies. Blame it on Momâs downloadophobia. Like thatâs the most surprising thing about us?
I crawled out of the backseat, hauling my smashed arm behind me, while Mom paid the driver.
I wanted so badly to believe that we could just have a normal movie night and pretend that nothing had happened, and that we had nothing more to