Free Gelignite by William Marshall

constant.'
    Mr Wong said, 'I thought the Ganges flooded and then went dry?'
    If there was one thing Mr Ramaswamy didn't like it was a funny Chinese. He said, 'The Ganges may, but I do not' He thought, "Take that!"
    Mr Wong said, 'I received a letter that I can't read without my glasses. I want someone who has glasses to read it to me.'
    'Oh—!' Mr Ramaswamy said. He said, 'Ahaaa—oh!'
    Mr Wong said, 'I can't find my glasses, you see.' No need to admit you couldn't read Arabic to anything as low as an Indian. He said, 'Hmm.'
    'Ah,' Mr Ramaswamy said. He thought, "Here it comes again: the old Chinese face-saving trick." He thought, "Illiterate Chink." He said, smiling, 'Oh—ah ...'
    Mr Wong said, 'It's in English.'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, 'The price is the same.'
    'The same as what?'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, 'The price for reading letters is the same as the price for writing them.' He said, 'Foreign languages extra.'
    Mr Wong said, 'English isn't a foreign language!' He said, 'Almost everyone speaks it!'
    Mr Ramaswamy asked, 'Do you?' He shook his head, 'Foreign languages extra.' He said, 'Chinese too.'
    'Chinese isn't a foreign language!'
    'It is to me.' Mr Ramaswamy said, 'My native tongue is an extremely obscure Punjabi dialect.'
    Mr Wong said, 'Who the hell speaks an extremely obscure Punjabi dialect outside the Punjab?'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, 'Hardly anyone.' He smiled. He asked pleasantly, 'Have you got the letter?'
    Mr Wong looked at him. God, he hated Indians! He asked, 'How much?' He kept the letter out of sight in his pocket.
    Mr Ramaswamy sighed. God, he hated Chinks! He said, 'Same price.'
    'The same as what?'
    'The same price as writing them.'
    Mr Wong decided to get furious. He demanded furiously, 'How much is that?'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, 'It depends on the length.' He asked, 'How long is it?'
    'I haven't opened it yet!'
    'Why not?'
    'Because I can't read it!'
    Mr Ramaswamy smiled an evil smile. He said, 'I thought you said you'd lost your glasses?'
    Mr Wong smiled back an equally evil smile (it was so evil it verged on the positively diabolical). He said, 'That's why I can't read it.'
    Mr Ramaswamy said innocently, 'Then how did you know it's for you?'
    'I know it's for me because the postman told me it was for me!'
    'Oh,' Mr Ramaswamy said, 'Oh.' He said, 'He must have been wearing his glasses. Aye?'
    Mr Wong said, 'My postman doesn't happen to need glasses!'
    'Ahaaaa!' Mr Ramaswamy whinnied. Really, these low-life Chinks were no competition for a good brain trained in the philosophical air of the sub-continent. He said, 'His customers do.'
    'I lost my glasses!'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, 'Perhaps you could get the postman to look for them for you.'
    Mr Wong wrenched the letter from his pocket and thrust it at Mr Ramaswamy. Mr Ramaswamy went to take it. Mr Wong thrust it away again. Mr Wong said, 'I want an estimate!'
    Didn't they all? Mr Ramaswamy said, 'Estimates twenty cents.'
    Mr Wong said, 'Estimates are free!'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, 'Fifteen cents.' 'Nothing!'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, 'Since I'm in a good mood and you've lost your glasses and you're obviously getting on in years, I'll make it ten cents.'
    'Two cents!'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, 'Ahaaaa!' That was a funny one.
    Mr Wong said, 'Five cents and that's my best offer!'
    Mr Ramaswamy said, I'll take it.'
    He took the letter and slit open the flap with his imitation Gurkha paperknife.
    *
    Feiffer saw the flash. There was a brilliant white glare radiating out from a tiny pin point in front of the Post Office and a sudden single note of high static as the air around the pin-hole was wrenched violently aside. Then there was a sound like a very loud pistol shot or a huge chain snapping and then the concussion roared down the street and blew people walking along the pavement to their knees.
    There was a puff of grey smoke, then a heavy black cloud of smoke, then a rushing noise as the air raced back in to fill the vacuum. Something came floating down from around the Post Office like