Free When I Was Five I Killed Myself by Howard Buten

wasn’t there. I lost it. (I am messy. I don’t pick up after myself. My mom says, “I’m sick and tired of picking up after you, I’m going to stop and just let the garbage pile higher and higher until there isn’t any more room, then what will you do?” And I said,“Move to Florida.”) But instead of Learn to Spell, Book I , there was another book. From Little Acorns . My mom left it in my room after she read it to us. I looked in it. It had many pictures. There was Grandma and Grandpa and a little boy and a little girl and pigs and baby pigs and cows and baby cows, and chickens and eggs. And a peenie.
    I closed it, it made me feel funny inside me. I sat down on my bed. Then the door opened up and a chicken walked in my room, it had a comb that was red. It was like skin and flopped from side to side. It climbed up on my bed and started to walk toward me and I tried to push it away. Then there was another chicken and then another one. My room was full of them, and they were all laying eggs and making noise, and then the one on my bed started to peck at my peenie and I got scared and hit it, and the comb on it started to swell up and get big and then I touched it with my finger and white stuff came out on my hand. Then it wasn’t a chicken. It was Jessica. She sat on my bed and had her hand up her dress and was looking at me.
    â€œBurton, are you all right in there?” my mom yelled from the stairway, “are you all right?”
    I opened the door and rubbed my eyes.
    â€œYou’ve been sleeping,” she said. “Well it’s almost time for dinner. Wash your face and come down. And don’t mouth off to your father, he’s in one of his moods.”
    I went in the bathroom and washed. (I used Sweetheart soap, it is my favorite, it has carving on it.) When I wentback into my room to change there wasn’t any chickens or Jessica. I put From Little Acorns back in my dresser and went downstairs for dinner.
    â€œI thought you were going to study for the Spelling B,” said Jeffrey. He was looking at girls in a magazine, in the underwear ads.
    â€œIt’s a free country,” I said.
    â€œPerch on this,” he said and gave me the finger, which is swearing. My dad hit him. He was in one of his moods.
    For dinner we had brisket. It was delicious and nutritious. Except Jeffrey kept horseplaying. He kicked me under the table. But after dinner he helped me study for the Spelling B.
    The Spelling B was two weeks after the zoo. It was Fall, October. (I remember because my dad gave me his yellow windbreaker. It is cool, man, it has big sleeves that are like puffy on me and it is plastic not cloth, only the zipper is broke, that’s how I got it.)
    For two weeks Jeffrey helped me study. I used Learn to Spell , books I, II, and III. Jeffrey had two from before, and Miss Iris gave me one. Also I used a dictionary. Jeffrey asked me words and I spelled them.
    First there is the class Spelling B and then the grade Spelling B and then the school Spelling B and then the city Spelling B, and then I don’t know what Spelling B. I won my class one on numerous. I got a sticker on my forehead. It was a turkey. (Miss Iris was out of stars.) My mom said she was very proud of meand took me to Maxwell’s after school and said I could pick out an inexpensive toy. I asked for Zorro. He is a model already put together. He is swift. There are lots of models at Maxwell’s but Zorro is the biggest. Jeffrey said it’s because he’s from another company but I think he’s Spanish. He was too expensive anyway, so I got a new bag of men. But Mom said if I won the grade Spelling B I could get Zorro.
    The night before the grade Spelling B I was nervous. I had pleurodynia. So I took Learn to Spell, Book I into the bathroom with me and stayed there and tested myself.
    â€œBurton, what are you doing in there?” my mom said.
    â€œNothing,” I