Free Zombocalypse Now by Matt Youngmark

avail. Three more are trying to force their way into the passenger side. You’re trapped!

    If you open the toothpaste and squirt it at the zombies to distract them, turn to page 15.

    If you jam your key in the ignition and step on the gas, turn to page 130.

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    71
    “Which of you is the better driver?” you ask.
     “Um, I don’t actually have my license,” Prudence says.
    You toss Billy the keys, climb in the back seat and hang the top half of your body out the window. You’ll say this for the kid: He turns out to be an aggressive driver. He doesn’t hesitate to run right over the stray zombie, and you do your best to keep the path clear by gunning down the larger groups. Billy’s gun is loaded with buckshot, and although it’s tricky to reload on the fly, it sure does make killing zombies a pleasure. Rather than having to aim with a single bullet, you just blast away huge chunks of whatever you point at.
    It also means you can’t hear a word of what the two are saying inside the car, which is fine with you, since they appear to be arguing the entire time. You eventually make it past the sea of living dead and stop to trade places with Billy once you get near the highway. “Okay, which way now?” you ask.
    “North,” Prudence says.
    “No, south!” Billy insists. “Pru, I told you! My dad’s bunker is the only safe place!”
    “Billy, I don’t like you that way.”
    Suddenly Billy is brandishing the shotgun. Uh-oh. Maybe you should have held onto that. “Get out of the car!” he shrieks. “We’re settling this now!” She does, and he leaps out behind her. “You too, rabbit,” he seethes.

    If you do as instructed and calmly try to defuse the situation before it gets out of hand, turn to page 77.

    These kids are nuts. And, quite frankly, they’re not your problem. The motor is already running—if you step on the gas and bail on them, turn to page 201.

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    72
    You’re not sure what it takes to convert fertilizer into TNT, but the likelihood that Daryl did it last night in an abandoned apartment building with no running water seems slim. “Come on, let’s get into the valley, and then we’ll figure out what to do next,” you say.
    Once through the pass, you’re surprised to see a large group already there. And, even more shocking, your friend Ernie is in the crowd. “I can’t believe you found the valley!” he says, thrilled to see you. “And just in time. We’ve finished sealing off every possible exit! Once we close the mountain pass, we’ll be safe from the zombies for good.”
    The pass, though, is already wall-to-wall with staggering, groaning abominations. Although the valley is large, they just keep coming. Somehow you’ve managed to doom not only your own group, but your old friend Ernie and several dozen new people who are now desperately fleeing the zombie army that you lead into their valley paradise. Running is no use, however. There’s nowhere to hide, and the horde quickly devours humanity’s last, best hope for survival.
    Nice work.

    THE END

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    73
    You deliver a sudden kick to one of the guards, attempting to knock his weapon away. “Ow,” he says as his hand gets kind of pushed a little bit to the side. He doesn’t drop the gun, though. “Really?”
    You punch the other guard and take off down the hall. “ Really? ” the first guard says again. Apparently they’re either considerably startled by your bravado or have deemed you not worth expending ammunition on, because the expected gunshots never come. You make it back out to the fence, only to discover a group of zombies surrounding your car.
    They seem far more interested in it than you. In another piece of luck, soldiers run up with flamethrowers and torch the undead loiterers. This doesn’t seem to bother them much, but it does get their attention, and the flaming zombies chase the soldiers back toward the base and away from your vehicle. You jump in it and step on the gas.
    Ernie is