Free Uncle John's Ahh-Inspiring Bathroom Reader by Bathroom Readers’ Institute

for wedding guests.
JEWELRY
    Good Luck: Wearing earrings will bring the bride good luck.
    Bad Luck: Don’t wear pearls—not in the earrings or the necklace, on the dress, or anyplace else. Pearls symbolize tears. “For every pearl a bride wears, her husband will give her a reason to cry.”
OMENS
    Good Luck: The animals you see on the way to church are full of omens. Lambs, doves, wolves, spiders, and toads are all good luck. If birds fly directly over your car, that’s also good luck—it means you’re going to have a lot of kids. (Okay, maybe that’s bad luck…)
    Bad Luck: If a pig crosses your path on your way to the wedding, that’s bad luck. If a bat flies into the church, that’s bad luck too.
DON’T BE SHY—GO AHEAD AND CRY
    Good Luck: Tears are such good luck that if the bride can’t cry on her own, she should create tears “by virtue of mustard and onions” if necessary. Tears symbolically wash the bride’s old problems away, giving her a fresh start.
    Bad Luck: Not crying is very bad luck. This is a throwback to the days when people believed that witches can only shed three tears, and these only from her left eye. By crying, a bride demonstrated to the assembled guests that she was not a witch, thereby avoiding being burned at the stake (also bad luck).
MISCELLANY
    Good Luck: When she enters and leaves the church, the bride should step across the threshold with her right foot first.
    Bad Luck: The bride shouldn’t have anything to do with making either her wedding cake or her wedding dress. Don’t eat anything while you’re getting dressed, either—that’s bad luck too.
    Hands off: On average, kids aged 2 to 5 put their hands in their mouths 10 times an hour.

STRANGE LAWSUITS
    These days, it seems that people will sue each other over practically anything. Here are some real-life examples of unusual legal battles.
    T HE PLAINTIFF: Wawa, a food store chain
    THE DEFENDANTS: Tamilee Haaf and George Haaf, Jr., owners of the HAHA market
    THE LAWSUIT: In late 1996, Wawa, which controls 500 convenience store outlets in eastern Pennsylvania, filed a suit claiming that HAHA is too similar in sound and could confuse people into believing that HAHA is affiliated with Wawa. The Haafs claim they have a right to use the name since it is simply an abbreviation of their last name.
    THE VERDICT: It may sound funny, but HAHA lost. The judge ruled that “HAHA” sounds so close to “Wawa” that it dilutes Wawa’s trademark. HAHA boo-hoo, Wawa yee-ha.
    THE PLAINTIFF: Associate Humane Societies
    THE DEFENDANT: Frank Balun
    THE LAWSUIT: Balun went into his Hillside, New Jersey, garden in July 1993 to check on his tomato vines and discovered that some of the plants had been eaten by rats. So he set a squirrel trap, hoping to catch one. He did. Then he called the Humane Society to pick it up. But before they could respond, the rat tried to escape and Balun hit it on the head with a broom handle, killing it. The Humane Society in Newark then filed charges against Balun for “needlessly abusing a rodent.” Complaining that Balun should have dealt with it more humanely, the Humane Society said, “It may only be a rat, but it’s a living creature, and there is no reason to abuse a living creature.”
    THE VERDICT: A municipal judge dismissed the charges, citing a statute that allows people to kill vermin that attack their “crops.”
    THE PLAINTIFF: State of Colorado
    THE DEFENDANT: Eugene Baylis
    Makes sense: Sahara comes from the Arabic word sahra meaning “desert.”
    THE LAWSUIT: Forty-two-year-old Baylis walked into a biker bar in Colorado Springs, armed with an AK-47 rifle, four hand grenades, and a pistol. Seeing the heavily armed man, several of the bar’s regular patrons advanced on him—allegedly to keep him from doing any harm. But Baylis got scared and opened fire, killing two people and