Free Changing Tunes by Heather Gunter, Raelene Green Page B

hell, I don’t even know her. Do I want to? Hell yes ! But I can’t. There are people depending on me to make something of myself.  I have a responsibility to people I love, and they will always come first, no matter how badly I want something, or, more to the point, someone.
    I know there’s more to Ashley than meets the eye. She’s intriguing and complicated. I sure as hell don’t need any complications in my life, but I would love nothing more than to break down the wall she has up. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. I wonder, briefly, what my life would be like if I didn’t have people counting on me. Don’t mistake me. I love everyone I’ve left at home to be here, to make something of myself, with my whole heart. For a very brief moment, I take myself to a place I should never venture.
    What it would be like to have Ashley in my arms; to see her laugh, and to kiss her until she’s breathless, to touch every inch of her, and have my name cross her lips. It’s a fantasy, not reality.
    I shake myself out of the daydream and come back to reality, getting pissed at myself. I’m such a selfish bastard. My life is good, great even. I can’t imagine not having the life I have now.
    What would it hurt to be her friend? She looks like she could use one. Lord knows I could use one, too. Strictly platonic, friends only. As her friend, I could still try to make her laugh. I would just have to watch the boundaries, and myself.
    Once again, I give myself the talk. Ashley and I will be lab partners, and it’s okay to be friends. Why does it seem I’m doing an awful lot of convincing myself this is fine and will work?
    Something in the back of my mind is screaming this won’t work out the way I’m hoping, and just friends is going to be a hell of a lot harder than I think it will. But I shove it away and bury it down deep, for now.
     

 
     

     
     
    I quickly walk out of the building and head to my car. Who knew the relief I’d feel just escaping to my car? I lock myself in and take my phone out to call Mac. I didn’t even stay to look for her; I just needed to leave. I didn’t want to run in to anyone. I feel my face catch on fire once again. Why do I feel so awful and bothered by this whole situation? I never would have cared what anyone thought about me before. I’ve also never been with a guy that wanted to date me after having sex. Or run into the guy that has been invading my mind.
    I push the speed dial number that will take me directly to Mac. I need her like I’ve never needed anyone. I need someone to listen, and tell me I’m not crazy, or stupid, or whatever. The moment I hear her voice I instantly feel better. Like a cool blanket has wrapped around my burn. That’s how I feel. Like I’ve been burned and the fire still needs to be put out. I’m a raging mess, and for the first time in my life, I have a true friend, one that listens without judgment, and doesn’t require anything from me—a first.
    “Hey Mac? Are you still here, or back at the apartment?”
    “Nope, I’m still here. I waited for you, just I case it didn’t take long.” She teases.
    “I’m in the car, can we go?”
    “Of course,” Mac says. “Ash, are you okay?”
    “Yeah, I’ll tell you when you get here.”
    “Okay, be there in just a second.” Mac hangs up and it’s less than minute later when she taps on the window. I unlock the door and let her in.
    We drive back to our apartment in silence. She doesn’t push; that’s Mac.
    In our apartment, I settle down on the couch and Mac sits opposite me.
    “Where to start…” I begin. I clear my throat and begin my tale. “I was never a nice person in high school. I was horrible. I didn’t think twice about making a move on other people’s boyfriends, and I didn’t care who I hurt in the process. I was in it for the challenge. It was a feeling of control, knowing I could take what wasn’t mine. I didn’t care about the end result. I just wanted what I wanted,