Free Not Meeting Mr Right by Anita Heiss

sweets trolley
arrived that I could easily fall in love with Renan.
    Then we started talking about our career aspirations.
'I want to be principal of St Christina's one day,' I said,
even though I knew they'd never had a layperson in the
job in the past, and I sometimes wondered if I'd only
landed the job as department head at the age of twentyeight
because no-one else applied. The nuns were all
getting old and there'd been some talk in the staff
room that the principal's position might be opened up
in the future. It was a personal goal that I'd told very
few people, but I thought I should tell Renan; I was on
my third glass of wine and it seemed to me there was
a good chance we'd be getting married one day and
sharing everything .
    'I could see you as principal, easy. You're a strong,
capable woman. A fantastic role model. If I had a
daughter, I'd want to send her to your school.' He had
a sparkle in his eye. 'Though if you were principal, it
would mean you probably wouldn't be able to teach,
and that would be such a loss to the students.' Clearly,
Renan was impressed by my career goals. I dare say he
may have had the future in mind as well. Why wouldn't
he? I was a bloody good catch. Strong and capable, as
he rightly pointed out.
    'And what about you? What are your plans?' I was
really keen to see how we could make our careers work
together.
    He dropped a bombshell: 'I've been working for years
towards being one of the world's best moonwalkers and
male hula dancers.'
    I nearly choked on my dumpling. This was his
career dream? His personal goal? No, no, no! 'I'm
already in the Guinness Book of Records for the longest
unbroken moonwalk.' Renan sprang out of his chair
and moonwalked from one end of the restaurant to the
other, giving a fine display of his skill. How long was
it since I'd seen someone moonwalk? Twenty years? I
had thoughts of him moonwalking down the aisle with
me after we'd said our vows. I reached for the carafe of
house wine in the middle of the table.
    I refilled my glass as Renan moved from Michael
Jackson to generic Polynesian. With a smile that spanned
his entire face, he began to do the hula at the table. To my
surprise, the predominantly Chinese audience started
applauding, which only encouraged Renan to shake his
thin hips even more. I thought he was never going to
stop. He only ended up back in his seat when a trolley of
chicken feet accidentally collided with his left hip. Shit!
Would our wedding waltz be a bloody hula?
    I wanted to slowly disappear under the table. While
I wanted a man to be able to move in time with the
music, or at least give it a go, I definitely couldn't date
and simply would not marry a man who looked better
in a grass skirt than me. Nor would my self-esteem ever
allow me to be with a man who had thinner hips! I sadly
scratched Renan's name off my list of potentials, even
though at that stage it was the only name there. My
wedding plans came crashing round my feet.
    The date ended with the promise of a hula lesson or
two whenever I had time, and I smiled to myself thinking
that lessons with Renan might actually be fun.
    Gabrielle was more disappointed than I was that we
didn't have a second date, and she was quick to suggest
her cousin Ernesto as a follow-up attempt. Ernesto
couldn't dance, but had been on Red Faces once and
played the spoons. Gabrielle was obviously part of a
very talented family. I didn't even have to think about
that one, just lied and told her I had a few other dates
lined up and I'd call on her during the next dry spell.
I'm sure she was aware that my whole life was a dry
spell, though, and she looked hopeful that I would be
enlisting her services as cupid again shortly.

eight
More blind dates from hell
    I was surprised how well I bounced back from Daniel
and Renan. I really was giving this blind dating gig a go.
So far I'd hooked up with a womaniser and had a nice
Chinese meal with an offer of free dance lessons. Going
on dates was actually entertaining.