Free Totlandia: Spring by Josie Brown

collie and its owner, a father teaching his three-year-old son how to kick a soccer ball. The man’s wife, large with child beneath her cashmere coat, sat on a nearby bench. She was reading the latest edition of the Nob Hill Gazette .
    But no, they weren’t alone. Brady was already there, sitting on one of the benches tucked behind a copse of redwoods. When he saw Ally, he stood up. That’s when she noticed he was holding two dozen long-stemmed roses: pale yellow, with tips that looked as if they’d been dipped in a warm pink paint.
    She hesitated before opening the old wrought iron gate that separated her from the man she wished was free to love her.
    Finally, she slid the gate’s lock to one side. Each step she took toward him made it harder for her to stick to her decision to let him go.
    “The florist called them ‘Chicago Peace.’” He shrugged. “I just thought they were pretty.”
    She nodded. “They are. But really, Brady, you shouldn’t have.”
    Realizing she wasn’t going to take them, he dropped his arm to his side. The stems were so long the petals almost touched the grass.
    The collie came by and sniffed them, then crouched down, wagging his tail. When he realized Brady wasn’t about to play with him, he leaped and pranced, then got back down on his haunches with a whine.
    Brady laughed. “You see? He appreciates them. Why can’t you?”
    Ally shrugged. “I’m not the one you should be buying them for.”
    On the drive from Foot Fetish to the park, she had worked out everything she was going to say to him. Like how dropping Jade for her would ruin things for both Oliver and Zoe. And how Jade would be heartbroken.
    Even if that didn’t mean anything to Brady, it certainly mattered to Ally.
    She was just about to launch into her argument for why they should keep it simple and just stay friends when she noticed something on his cheek: an eyelash.
    She reached up very gently with her index and middle finger and whisked it away.
    He took her fingers and placed them on his lips.
    Slowly she pulled her fingers away. This left his lips hovering over hers.
    She couldn’t help herself. She kissed him.
    No really, she devoured him.
    When she felt his arms around her, she heard the collie barking like crazy, and she knew he had tossed the roses on the ground.
    She also knew she wasn’t going to be keeping her promise to herself, or to Jade.
    She broke away, gasping for air. “I hate myself.” She buried her head in her hands.
    He tilted her head so that they were eye to eye again. “Why would you say that? Why do you feel that way?”
    “Because…because I never wanted to be ‘the other woman.’”
    Brady shook his head in disbelief. “How can you be ‘the other woman’ if there is no first ‘woman?’”
    “Lower your voice, please.” Ally nodded toward the family.
    There was no way the mother could have overheard her. Still, almost as if she had read Ally’s mind, the woman slowly heaved herself off the bench and beckoned her husband to follow her out the gate. She whistled for the collie, too, but he leaped away before she could tether his collar to the leash in her hand. Seeing that the gate was already open, the dog scurried out. The woman chased behind him.
    Realizing her dilemma, the woman’s husband grabbed the soccer ball in one hand while he hoisted their son up onto his shoulders with the other, and headed out the gate after his wife.
    One and a half kids and a dog, thought Ally. The typical American family. They love each other. They’re building a life together. No clinging exes, no gay fake husbands. No need for a sperm donor in order to beat your biological clock…
    No jumping through hoops to get into some silly club.
    You choose what you lose in life, Ally conceded. Brady will have to wait.
    “Brady, as much as you like to pretend otherwise, Jade is still in love with you. Yes, of course she wants to be a part of Oliver’s life. But she also wants to be a part of