Free When Harry Met Sally by Nora Ephron Page A

    We should’ve gone to the plant store.
    He picks up a pith helmet with a battery-operated fan in it and puts it on Sally’s head
.
    HARRY     Here. Perfect for them.
    SALLY     What’s that?
    HARRY     Battery-operated pith helmet, with fan.
    SALLY     Why is this necessary in life?
    HARRY     I don’t know. Look, look at this.
(indicating fan)
It also makes great fries.
    He spots something across the aisle
.
    HARRY     ( CONT’D )    Oh, oh, oh.
    He heads toward it
.
    HARRY     ( CONT’D )    Good. Call off the dogs. The hunt is over.
    He goes to one of those machines that allow you to sing the lead to the backup vocal and instrumental on a song
.
    HARRY     ( CONT’D )    Sally, this is the greatest.
(into the microphone)
Sally, please report to me. Look at this. This is incredible. They’re gonna love this. This is a singing machine.
    Harry puts in one of the cassettes. The INSTRUMENTAL for “The Surrey with the Fringe on Top” comes on
.
    HARRY     ( CONT’D )    Look. You sing the lead, and this has the backup and everything. This is from
Oklahoma!
Here’s the lyrics right here.
    SALLY     
(reading)
    “Surrey with the Fringe on Top.”
    HARRY     Yeah, this is perfect.
    He starts singing giddily
.
    HARRY     ( CONT’D )    “Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry,
When I take you out in the surrey,
    When I take you out in the surrey
    With the fringe on top.”    
(pointing to Sally)
    Now you.
    She starts to sing
.
    SALLY     
(singing)
    “Watch that fringe and …”
    Harry resumes singing, too, as the absurd and dizzy instrumental continues. They both get more and more idiotic
.
    HARRY AND SALLY     
(singing)
    “… see how it flutters,
When I drive them high steppin’ strutters,
Nosey pokes’ll peek through their shutters and their eyes will pop!”
    Suddenly Harry turns pale and stops singing
.
    SALLY     
(continuing to sing)
    “The wheels are yeller, the upholstery’s brown,
    The dashboard’s gen-u-ine leather
    With isinglass curtains y’can roll …”
    Sally notices something’s wrong
.
    The backup MUSIC CONTINUES as she stops, too
.
    SALLY     ( CONT’D )    What? It’s my voice, isn’t it? You hate my voice. I know it’s terrible. Joe hated it….
    HARRY     It’s Helen.
    SALLY     Helen?
    HARRY     She’s coming right toward me.
    The BACKUP VOCAL CONTINUES, as we see coming toward Harry a dark-haired, very chic woman, HELEN, accompanied by a tall, attractive man, IRA
.
    HELEN     How are you, Harry?
    HARRY     
(he swallows)
    Fine. I’m fine.
    HELEN     This is Ira Stone. Harry Burns.
    IRA     Harry.
    They shake hands. It’s very awkward. Harry suddenly remembers Sally
.
    HARRY     I’m sorry. This is Sally Albright. Helen Hillson and Ira.
    IRA     Sally.
    HELEN     Nice to meet you.
    SALLY     Hi.
    A terrible moment.
    HELEN     Well, see you.
    HARRY     Yeah. Nice to meet you, Ira.
    A smile, and they move on. HOLD on Harry, about to faint
.
    SALLY     You okay?
    HARRY     Yeah, I’m perfect.
    Harry looks like one of those cartoon characters who’s been struck on the head with a mallet
.
    HARRY     ( CONT’D )    She looked weird, didn’t she? She looked really weird. She looked very weird.
    SALLY     I’ve never seen her before.
    HARRY